How women in midlife can reset their relationship with their phones

Have you checked the screen time on your phone lately? Did you get a fright? Well, what might give you even more of a jump scare is to know that if your activity exceeds four hours a day, you are in good company, as this is now the national average daily smartphone usage in Ireland*, which is already among the countries with the widest internet use in the world.

Recent research indicates that nearly every adult in Ireland (95 per cent, according to a recent Deloitte survey) now owns a smartphone, and according to projections, the number of users in Ireland will reach 5.22 million by 2029. Middle-aged women are spending the most time on their devices, with 78 per cent of women between 45 and 54 using their smartphones most consistently.*

The irony is that if you’re a midlife woman with teenagers, like me, how often do you bemoan your children’s phone usage, when really it is your own checking of messages, social media apps and consistent doomscrolling of news that needs to be equally reined in? But then on the flipside – and to be brutally honest – how useful is it to pick your phone up when you want to check a recipe, fact check, look up your shopping list, listen to a favourite podcast or just keep in touch with everyday work and social plans?

As for social media apps, if you are living far away from your family, WhatsApp can become somewhat of a lifeline, just as Facebook, LinkedIn and Instagram can keep you updated with friends and colleagues, both old and new, as well as be an excellent way to network for both work and business.

So, with the reality that smartphones are not only incredibly useful tools but also that they are not going to vanish anytime in the near future, the sooner we get to grips with their proper and correct usage, the better. But what is normal now, and who is making the rules? And with a newly released national survey by Mental Health Ireland showing that the biggest barriers to people supporting their mental health daily are spending too much time on screens (36 per cent), it seems we all need to stop and take a reality check.

“Start by setting your own boundaries,” says psychotherapist Daniella Moyles, who, while wary of social media and too much phone usage, also has to navigate her own use of social media in the promotion of her online wellness hub, thestll.com. “First, I think it is very important to say and to realise that being on your phone too much is not about self- blaming,” she says. “It is not our fault. Tech companies play purposeful mind games to keep us hardwired to our phones, no matter how good our willpower. Phones are designed by highly skilled teams of people who understand vulnerabilities in human behaviour and want to exploit that.

Social media, particularly, is all about them capturing your attention for the longest time possible and harvesting as much information as they can. If you accept that this is going to happen – in other words, that our brains will keep you sucked into our phones – you can then face that reality and take your autonomy back.”

This same sentiment is echoed by neuroscientist and resilience and addiction specialist, Dr Brian Pennie (brianpennie.com), who believes phones are powerfully addictive and that our modern brains have not caught up with the dopamine triggers they give us. “Our brains simply don’t care about how happy we are. Our brains want to avoid pain and experience pleasure. That’s the survival mechanism: we’ll survive if we avoid pain and if we chase pleasure – and this is where phones can be so dangerous.”

Clinical hypnotherapist and sleep specialist, Fiona Brennan (thepositivehabit.com ) says, “I like the analogy of your phone being like a hammer. It can be used for good to hang a picture, or it can be used to your detriment to smash up your home. We often give out about our teenagers but don’t model the best behaviour – particularly around phones. Be kind to them and yourself, as the compulsive behaviour affects all ages.”

So, what can we do to counterbalance the time we now devote to our phones? If it is not possible any more to simply use a brick phone or do all your transactions on your desktop at home (I have read so many articles in the last few years that suggest these as solutions, but the fact that smartphones have now completely taken over, this advice just seems twee), how can we regain our sanity – I mean autonomy?

“Some of the things I do personally include taking one day a week when I don’t use the phone at all,” says Daniella. “It is usually on a Sunday, and I put the phone on aeroplane mode and spend the time with family and friends. On other days of the week, I also actively safeguard my own time by not using it past 9 pm and leaving my phone in another room at night (yes, I have an old-fashioned alarm clock by my bed!)”

Daniella suggests only using one social media app – she uses Instagram – and deleting the others. “After that, pick the apps you love and don’t feel guilty about using them – there is so much on there that will add to your life. I love the birdsong app Merlin and PictureThis, the flower and plant app. I also like the Yuka app, where you can scan your cosmetics for ingredients before you buy them. There is so much useful stuff on phones, too.”

Brian concurs with this advice: “We have a policy at home – no phones at the dinner table or in the bedroom. But of course, phones are basically the modern-day hypodermic needle, so I would suggest that if you feel like you are getting addicted, you might need to do more than this. Put the phone on greyscale and look at apps such as UnPluq, which will sign you out of your phone
or certain hours of the day, and go on a mission to get creative with yourself.

Ask yourself, ‘How much mental effort and time am I investing in my phone, and what am I getting back?’ Everyone talks these days about having no time, but how much time are we all giving to our phones? It is time to reclaim that time for ourselves and those around us.”

This article originally appeared in the Winter 2025 issue of IMAGE. Have you thought about becoming an IMAGE subscriber? Our Print & Digital Magazine subscribers receive all four issues of IMAGE Magazine and two issues of IMAGE Interiors directly to their door, along with digital access to all digital magazines and our full digital archive, plus a gorgeous welcome gift worth €75 from Max Benjamin. Visit here to find out more about our IMAGE subscription packages.