Online dating isn’t always a breeze, but it’s taught Suzie Coen a lot about life.
Before meeting my boyfriend (on a blind date), I dated online, on and off for years. I’ve been on some amazing dates, some okay dates and some dates that were totally terrible. I was, on various occasions, wildly entertained, bored to tears, ghosted, catfished and breadcrumbed. There was endless swiping, awkward exchanges and sometimes offensive messages, a few unsolicited pics (you know the ones I mean) and some crazy profile photos. Like the one of a guy dressed in a Nazi replica uniform, sitting in his home office. If I learned anything about dating itself, it was to keep laughing and not lose heart – but I also came away with plenty of other life lessons. Here’s what I discovered:
Small talk is important
Before I started meeting strangers on the internet, I thought it would be small talk purgatory. And it is. But you get good at it. When you want to find love and you discover yourself sitting in silence in a chilly basement bar, you have to say something, even if it’s “what would you do if there was a zombie apocalypse right now?” Going on plenty of dates with strangers allowed me to practice my conversational skills, and to practice showing a genuine interest and openness in what the person is telling you. It’s a useful skill to have in your arsenal when you need to entertain an elderly relative, placate an angry customer or find yourself, as I once did, on a slightly weird work shoot, squeezed into a tiny pop-up changing tent on a golf course with Rory McIlroy.
Trust your instincts
When you date online, you open yourself to a wider pool of people that you normally would never mingle with. And some of them will be slightly odd. That’s a given. You’ll start off thinking, “I mustn’t be so narrow-minded: I must give them a chance!” But after 10 or 20 dates, you’ll have the proof to know that your instincts are always bang on. Now I have enough confidence in my instincts to know if they can spot a creep at 20 paces, they are right about bad jobs, unreliable friends and quiet restaurants.
Value your time
If you get very into online dating and you’re seeing at least two different people a week, your time becomes very precious. When your date is telling you about his costume choice for a cosplay contest at Dublin Comic Con and you’re thinking “I could be at home washing up right now”, you open your eyes to what you value and how much time you waste. Once you’ve learned how to make your excuses after a bad half an hour date, you then know when to exit a boring party or how to start leaving work on time without feeling guilty.
No one loves a grammar snob
I am ashamed of this, but when I first signed up to dating apps, I sometimes replied to messages when drunk, just to correct the spelling. But I know loads of lovely people IRL who are careless spellers but brilliant writers, so this snobbery was holding me back. Online dating taught me much about judging someone on the content of their character and not their relationship with a dictionary. And more broadly, that being kind is more important than being right.
You have to take risks
Love is random and magical. Believing in fate is terribly romantic but it holds us back. Once upon a time, I hoped that I would find my beloved by growing my hair very long, leaning out of a window and waiting for him to pass by. But I actually discovered him after I went online and learnt how to be open to romantic opportunities. I now know there is no value in sitting about wishing and hoping. If I’m daydreaming about something, it’s down to me to make it happen.
This article originally appeared in the Spring 2025 issue of IMAGE.
IMAGE Spring 2025
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