The quiet joy of taking yourself on a solo date

Things happen when you get into a relationship – things that, as a first-timer, I didn’t know to anticipate. It starts gradually at first, but before you know it, suddenly you’re referring to yourself as a collective and missing social outings because “we’re not around”. “Ah, we’re so sorry we can’t make it!” I reply to a friend’s birthday party invitation, simultaneously signing a card from my boyfriend and I (she’s my friend and I bought the card but it feels weird to exclude him). 

Then there’s the whole wanting to spend every minute together thing. I used to look at couples and think, “Couldn’t be me.”… I value alone time and for the most part, generally enjoy my own company – that wasn’t likely to change, I was sure of it. 

Oh, how wrong I was. 

Now, almost a year and a half into my current relationship, it’s dawned on me that, it’s been quite a long time since I’ve done something by myself. Yes, of course, I nip to the shop and go to the gym on my own, but I rarely do things like take myself out for brunch or wander aimlessly around the Nash Gal (that’s National Gallery to you).

But, why?

Comedian Joanne McNally is a staunch supporter of solo dates – I’m pretty sure she coined the phrase ‘Single Girl Sunday’ in the first place (I’m crediting her with the invention regardless). As regular listeners of My Therapist Ghosted Me – the podcast she co-hosts with Vogue Williams – will know, McNally regularly extolls the virtues of taking yourself out on the town. And no, the concept doesn’t only apply to the young and unattached, though you’d be forgiven for thinking so. 

A state of mind, as opposed to an actual state of being, Single Girl Sunday, is all about self-care, self-love and self-empowerment. For McNally, it often entails wining and dining herself at boujee restaurants (a woman after my own heart). 

Your Single Girl Sunday routine could be buying yourself a pastry from your favourite bakery and reading the paper in bed. It could be saying goodbye to the kids and retreating into a dark cinema theatre for two and a half hours. It could be donning your Dry Robe and braving a sea swim; you get the idea. What you do doesn’t matter, what’s important is that you take a couple of hours for yourself, to refill your own cup… alone – that part’s important. To use TikTok speak, it’s about the dolce far niente (roughly translated as the joy of doing nothing). 

Admittedly, my Single Girl Sunday didn’t come about through my own doing – I was invited on a press visit to Rainforest Spa in Wicklow, so it was a mix of business and pleasure – but valuable lessons were learned, my friends. 

Located at the end of a woodland path on the side of a cliff in Enniskerry, the grounds are completely immersed in nature and the experience feels very much as the name suggests, which is surprising given its proximity to the capital (it’s just a 30-minute drive from Dublin city centre). 

Set up by former news journalist Adrienne Stewart, the place came to be after she decided that she wanted to escape the hustle of corporate life and find a way to make her love of wellness and beauty a career. When she couldn’t find a day spa located conveniently near the city, she opened one herself. 

A day and medi spa with an outdoor hot tub, two saunas (an infrared light sauna and a typical Finnish sauna), there are all manner of treatments on offer from hair removal to lash lifts, manicures and advanced non-surgical aesthetics. I was there to try the Bliss Package which includes one hour’s use of the spa facilities, a wellness smoothie, a full body massage with classic facial and a collagen eye treatment. 

Over the course of the next 90 minutes, my therapist, Aoife, slathered vitamin C and massage oil and cacao extract onto me, rubbing things in and wiping things off until I was sparkling new and shiny again. She worked her magic on the knots in my shoulders (the joy of writer’s neck) until I could physically feel myself unfurling on the table – it’s only when someone tells you to relax that you realise just how decidedly un-relaxed you’ve been all this time. I had to stop myself from hugging her as I walked out the door. 

For someone who rarely spends time alone with her thoughts anymore, a solo day at the spa could have gone one of two ways; thankfully, it was a thoroughly positive experience and I emerged from treatment room one in a dream-like haze, ready to right all of life’s wrongs.

While most other guests were there in pairs, I actually revelled in the silence that being alone forced me to indulge in. I even managed to read a whole 15 pages of my book before getting distracted by Instagram (a serious win). 

The lesson? Solo dates can be fun. I hope every Single Girl Sunday goes just so. 

The Bliss Package at Rainforest Spa costs €185 per person. More information and booking details can be found here. Sarah Finnan was a guest of Rainforest Spa.

Feature image via @tinvcb. This article was originally published in October 2023.