Dear Daniella Moyles: ‘How do I move past the status of my old job?’

Q. “I left a high-powered role for something more ‘balanced’, and it’s been one of the best decisions I’ve made for my wellbeing, but I feel invisible. I didn’t expect to miss the status as much as I do. How can I move past this feeling?”

I felt a tug of muscle memory when I read your question. Years ago, after leaving a radio career I’d worked hard for, I moved back into my family home and returned to college in my thirties. From the outside, it probably looked, at worst, like a huge mistake and, at best, like some kind of extended adult retreat, but on the inside, it felt like a necessary reckoning. I’d listened to my gut and chosen my wellbeing over acclaim, but I also ached at times for the old shine. So I recognise your experience in my own, as I’m sure many do.

What you’re describing here is human psychology doing what it does best, craving social proof. Status feeds what psychotherapists call our extrinsic motivation, or the rewards that come from outside us. Titles, pay, admiration, invitations and the polite widening of eyes at dinner parties. When you step away from a high-powered role, you don’t just lose the job, you lose a mirror that used to reflect back your importance.’

To make it even more emotionally challenging, layered on top of this social conditioning are two evolutionary hardwirings we’re born with. The first is called prestige bias, which is our unconscious tendency to value people (and ourselves!) more when society signals they’re successful. This is why the introduction of social media ‘likes’ and follower numbers was so powerful. The second is our conformist bias, a lifelong pull to stay aligned with what our peer group prizes most. Through this lens, suddenly your quieter, saner life can feel oddly dislocating. You’ve left the herd, and that’s terrifying, even if the pasture you’re in now is lush.

But here’s the reframe. What pulled you away from that role is an intrinsic value. Something internally rewarding, authentic to you, and likely far more life-sustaining in the long run. These inherent values are often entirely at odds with what we’ve internalised from our culture, and a person can spend years in therapy untangling what is truly theirs, only to then deny themselves permission to act on it. So, well done! What you’ve already achieved here is rare and courageous. Which means you may need to become your own witness.

Practically, that can look like savouring what this new life gives you that the old one couldn’t. Energy at 6pm, space to think, a nervous system that isn’t constantly on high alert. It can also mean curating the circles you keep, choosing spaces where your worth isn’t measured in job titles, thereby side-stepping the conditioning and biases that may loom large among colleagues and acquaintances from your former life. Instead, nurture the friendships, creative projects, learning, and contributions that this new balance allows for.

This feeling of invisibility may visit you again and again, and that’s okay. You don’t need to move past it entirely. Instead, acknowledge this barrage of evolution and social conditioning you’re up against, grieve the identity shift gently, and remind yourself that visibility and value aren’t synonyms. You haven’t disappeared! You’ve just stopped performing for an audience that was never going to applaud your peace or authenticity anyway.

If you have a question for Daniella, send it in to info@image.ie with the subject “Dear Daniella”, or DM @image.ie.