‘Why aren’t people attracted to you?’ Twitter thread has us reevaluating our toxic sense of self
15th Aug 2020
Thousands of people have revealed their biggest insecurities, and it is strangely comforting
When a twitter user ventured a self-reflective question, he had no idea how much feedback he would receive.
@DoorHinge9 asked his followers: “Why aren’t people attracted to you? Be honest,” and it has taken off with over 24,000 retweets and 8,000 comments.
Why aren't people attracted to you?
— Backdoor Company (@DoorHinge9) July 28, 2020
Many have opened up about their deepest insecurities, saying they felt they were too fat, ugly, skinny, awkward or opinionated.
In fact, a quick scroll through the comments and you’ll find yourself wondering why this guy would ask such a horrible question, like we’re not insecure enough as it is without highlighting our flaws to the rest of the world.
But the result has been strangely therapeutic, as most people have found comfort in shared insecurities, realising how many people in the world feel the same way as they do.
Of course, some of the top listed answers was “too chubby”, “too skinny” or “too short”.
Body image has always been a huge issue with the constant comparisons to models, actors and influencers.
I'm built like a stick and don't get out much.
Did find one lady crazy enough to like me though so that's cool
— Jordan Starks (@KidStarks) July 30, 2020
I'm fat and angry, also very sarcastic…
— Josie Grace (@Diet_make_up) July 30, 2020
I've got a few extra pounds on me and my confidence is basically nonexistent
— Damon (@Damons_corner) July 30, 2020
People also said that they were “ugly” or “unattractive”, a feeling that I think we have all experienced at one point.
Even though there has been a slight shift towards body positivity in the fashion industry, employing models with various body types, these comments show that the pressures of maintaining a “perfect” body image are still very much a reality.
Loads of commenters said they were shy, awkward or not social enough to attract someone.
Some felt that they were not memorable, invisible even, and this horrible feeling of insignificance has caused their confidence to deflate.
We’ll call this toxic train of thought the Mia Thermopolis complex (that moment in Princess Diaries, when someone actually sits on her because they don’t even see her there).
So shy, it comes across as standoffish and angry.
— ??lil lorrie loo wears a mask????? (@lcspoering) July 30, 2020
My personality, I think? I dunno, nobody seems to especially dislike me, they just… don't remember I exist if I'm not in front of them?
— Rob Gravell (@The_Happycow) July 30, 2020
And because of this lack of social connection and self-confidence, people said they started to isolate themselves.
During this pandemic, it has been especially easy to adjust to being alone and distance oneself from others, so that when we are in social situations it feels strange and uncomfortable.
Some said that this mindset is exactly what made them unattractive.
“People aren’t attracted to me because I am not attracted to myself,” said one comment.
Another said she was “annoying and clingy” and some felt that they were too self-focused to find love.
I’m not attracted to myself
— Mario Kart Ultra (@La_Ninya76) July 30, 2020
Honestly, I don’t know. ?Maybe because I’ve been focusing on myself my entire life. It could be because I’ve never learned how to flirt. It might be that my earnestness intimidates people. But vulnerability always makes me attracted to someone. ?
— Cristina Cisneros (@everydaymagic21) July 30, 2020
Confidence in community
But, as the thread grew and people started listing the same answers, the mood shifted and commenters felt united in their similar insecurities.
One Twitter user said: “Reading through these comments and seeing people dealing with the same issues I have been for years is oddly therapeutic and comforting. So thank you for that.”
Reading through these comments and seeing people dealing with the same issues I have been for years is oddly therapeutic and comforting. So thank you for that.
— level3xfactor (@level3xfactor) July 30, 2020
It is heartbreaking that so many people are so unhappy in their own skin, myself included, and it can be so easy to get swept up in the strive for perfectionism.
But whether you’re most insecure about your weight or shyness or looks, the fact of the matter is that everyone has a thing — a thing that they wish they could change about themselves.
And we need to realise this and take it easier on ourselves because we are united in our lack of confidence.
Instead of isolating us, these “imperfections” are actually what connect us and remind us that we are all human, and we’re worth so much more than what our warped mindset has continually labelled us.
It’s like Eleanor Roosevelt said: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
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