Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis like to not wash regularly

What is the lowest stakes thing you would buy if you had Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis’ reported $275 million net worth? Once you bought a house for everyone you loved and 64 dogs and a chef and your favourite shirt in every colour and all of that, what is the smallest life change you would make that is slightly too expensive to do with your normal person’s salary? Without question, I would buy luxury candles and shower gel and use them with abandon. I stayed in a hotel once that replenished the Le Labo shower gel every day and I still have a few little bottles I use for important showers. Having a fancy shower gel or candle turns the most basic menial everyday boring task into a five-star hotel visit. I would just walk around my enormous home, wildly lighting the Jo Malone to empty the dishwasher and foaming up Tom Ford to shave my legs.

Well, not Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis. Victorian novelist and playwright Edward Bulwer-Lytton used the expression ‘the Great Unwashed’ to describe poor people in his 1830 novel Paul Clifford, and I guess now, nearly 200 years later, it takes on a new meaning for Hollywood elites with venture capitalist funds and multiple-long-running-prime-time-tv-series money.

Kutcher and Kunis appeared on Dax Shepard and Monica Padman’s Armchair Expert podcast, to talk cryptocurrency and not washing.

Agreeing with Dax Shepard that you “should not be getting rid of the natural oil on your skin with a bar of soap every day,” Kunis said she didn’t grow up with hot water, so she didn’t wash much anyway. “I don’t wash my body with soap every day, but I wash pits and tits and holes and soles,” said Mila Kunis eloquently. Ashton Kutcher has the same approach, saying, “I wash my armpits and my crotch daily, and nothing else ever.”

They also like to not wash their children. “When I had children, I also didn’t wash them every day,” said Kunis. “I wasn’t that parent that bathed my newborns — ever.” Kutcher agrees, saying, “if you can see the dirt on them, clean them. Otherwise, there’s no point.” Loathe as I am to enter a discussion on infant hygiene with the toxic online community that is parenting groups, this is the same outlook I use for cleaning my laptop.

when ashton kutcher and mila kunis kids walk into class pic.twitter.com/uAs7afNxiZ

— Fresh (@freshbtw) July 27, 2021

“I can’t believe I am in the minority here of washing my whole body in the shower,” said Monica Padman, the only sane person in this conversation. “Who taught you to not wash?”

Remember the discourse online about white people not washing their legs in the shower? This is like that, except with supremely wealthy people with definitely at least two dream claw foot bathtubs. I guess what you should take from this exchange is what we learn from all former child stars; that becoming wealthy as a teenager leaves you with a teenage state of mind for life. And that you should buy Le Labo shower gel should you ever come across it. Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis, give me your money. You’re doing it all wrong.