Parenting fibs: ‘I tell my kids the music from the ice cream van means it’s out of cones’
01st Nov 2020
Amanda Cassidy speaks to parents about the worst (best) thing they’ve admitted doing since becoming a parent. Brace yourselves.
Own your truth, we chant as we go around the room sharing stories to find the worst parent amongst us. It is all tongue-in-cheek of course, but some of the confessions we uncover are pretty hardcore.
“I tell my kids that the music from the ice-cream van means that he’s all out of cones,” laughs one mother brazenly. “I tell them Smyths doesn’t open on weekends,” shouts another, bolder now, as we dig down into some of the more heinous lies we’ve told our sweet, sweet children.
Before long we are purging our parenting sins in a safe space. This is therapy of a kind – a forum to absolve the shame of trying to make our lives a fraction easier, after those little dears drain us of our sleep, our wallet, and evidently, our integrity.
We need to find the humour in all of this.
Hello? What parent hasn’t stolen a little of their child’s Communion money?
“I used my socks as a nappy when I was stuck”
“I read random signs in shops to my kids and tell them they say ‘no crying allowed’ or ‘hitting brothers is banned in this supermarket.'”
“I dipped into their Holy Communion cash stash whenever we were stuck for cash for pizza. I’ve gone through about €150 already.”
Hello? What parent hasn’t stolen their child’s Communion money? It is basically the fund that goes back to replace the hole in your finances left by the dress or the €500 bouncy castle.
But many of the lies, ahem, fibs we tell our kids are also for their own protection.
“When Bubbles our goldfish died, we hid the body in the toilet, and then popped into the pet-shop and I spotted a fish that was a similar colour and exclaimed ‘Bubbles, what are you doing here?!’ and we took him home.”
Of course, older children are savvier than ever. My own daughter recently called me out when she caught me discussing her to a friend. “I wasn’t talking about you,” I lied.
I also can’t get away with the ‘you are allergic to food colouring’ line I’ve used for the last year anymore. In fact, now that I think about it, many of the white lies I tell my kids revolve around food. ‘This is super spicy,” I say, frantically waving my hand in front of my mouth, when I’m eating something I don’t feel like sharing. “You’ll have hair like Elsa if you eat your carrots.”
Back at our spill-your-beans session, another mum is speaking her truth: “I tell them that Elf on the Shelf only moves if you’ve practised your music that day.”
“I said Peppa Pig died,” admits another quietly.
A step too far?
Nah. The room erupts in evil cackles. And then we are ripping into PJ Masks like savages.
All is fair in love and parenting.
Image via Pexels.com
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