‘For every festive freak, there are those who don’t consider this the most wonderful time of the year’

Do you love Christmas? That’s cool, I respect that. Have fun.

Maybe you’re one of those people who’s a self-styled, un-ironic Christmas lover. “Is it ok to put your tree up in November ha ha,” you message everyone every year without fail, before posting a meme about how you’ve still got trauma from when Emma Thompson opened the Joni Mitchell CD in Love Actually. Come December, you’re the one diligently organising wider-friend-circle Christmas, followed by inner-friend-circle Christmas and mini-work Christmas – and you’re the one making sure everyone wears their novelty headband “or it won’t be fun, guys”.

There’s nothing wrong with being a Christmas lover. But for every festive freak, there are those who don’t consider this the “most wonderful time of the year,” who actively dread this red, green and gold nightmare. You risk a lot when you let slip that you don’t like Christmas. In conversation, people who, only minutes before, were friends suddenly question the value of that friendship as they ask, “WHAT do you mean you don’t like Christmas?!”

But there are plenty of reasons why people might strongly dislike it. You might feel sad: it’s a mark of time passing, of people lost. Christmas is full of ghosts, and not just Muppet-shaped ones. You might feel it’s fraudulent because there’s no way all of us, even most of us, even any of us, can be so purely ebulliently happy all at once. You might be estranged from your family, or have a Christmas Day set up where you have to navigate casually transphobic, racist or homophobic remarks from tipsy uncle-in-laws and opinionated cousins. Worse, there’s that very specific, extra-tiring kind of exhaustion you get when you’re doing something you don’t particularly want to do.

The thing that makes Christmas extra stressful is that it can feel like everyone’s agreed in advance that it is the most amazing time of the year – full of family and significance, kindness and good cheer. It’s going to be fun and sparkly and festive and celebratory. So when your Christmas doesn’t look like that, it can make you feel like an android in a human skin suit.

For the record, I think Christmas is fine. I like my family, I’m glad to spend time with them. As a stylist, I shop for a living so the gift buying isn’t an issue. But I’ve stopped feeling like a weirdo Grinch for not being caught in the magic of it. I don’t care enough about the food. Or the planning of the food. Or the talking about the planning of the food. Or the napkins. I’m not excited about carols. I don’t ‘get’ Christmas cards – (let’s exchange pieces of meaningless cardboard till one of us dies?). I don’t do duty – I don’t call any of my relations other than the ones I really like. I don’t pretend that my boyfriend had anything to do with purchasing and wrapping of joint gifts (because he didn’t). I love my friends but I’m not gripped with an intense desire to hang out specifically because it’s December, it feels performative somehow. I know, it’s a Christmas miracle if anyone invites me to anything.

For a lot of people, it’s the expectation of Christmas that tends to ruin the whole thing. The idea that it’s not allowed to be a bit disappointing. What if we just collectively allowed Christmas to be flawed, would it be more enjoyable? Rather than freak out about Christmas, I propose we start accepting that it’s ok to have just a ‘fine’ time and simply move on. Christmas could be treated more like Halloween: fun to take part in if that’s your thing, but no one’s going to be upset if you decide to skip it or not get fully into the festive spirit. Who wouldn’t respect that?

Feature image by Arun Kuchibhotla on Unsplash