Before you sit down at your first hair appointment following lockdown, take a minute before you decide to cut in a Marianne style fringe – here are five reasons why you shouldn't
Ladies, listen to me.
I have been there. I have stared at the mirror thinking my hair needed a change.
I have tossed and turned with the idea of a blunt bob and then sat in a chair and decided on a fringe.
Every time, I have regretted it.
Boredom and looking at yourself for too long are a dangerous mix. Over the past four months, all we have done is marvel at our reflections while being blasé.
Then Normal People came along. The critically acclaimed show has managed to persuade a legion of women that a fringe will work. Think pieces and how-to articles swarmed the internet in the aftermath of Marianne and her bangs.
But I promise you, it is a bad idea.
And here is why.
The parting of the sea
The upkeep of a fringe is a high effort. You must buy the right tools and aim your hairdryer at just the right angle. Yet no matter how much you do, the middle of it will go missing. Once again, Moses has parted the Red Sea, but this time it's on your forehead.
Frizz isn't easy
If you have a kink or curl, steer clear of a fringe. It will never sit right. No matter how much oil you use or how hard you straighten it, one drop of perspiration undoes the magic spell. If your hair is naturally sleek and straight, cut the biggest fringe anyone has ever seen. But for my ladies with frizz, stop looking at pictures of Marianne.
The experts always say the more you touch your face, the greasier it gets. The same idea goes for your hair. When I had a full fringe, a large majority of my day was spent fixing it. Whether it was to brush hair out of my eyes or to force it to cooperate with my overall look, my hands smothered it. Thus it was covered in so much oil, you could fry chicken on it.
The awkward stage
Some things in life are inevitable, and one of them is that you will decide to grow out that fringe. There will come a day when you will wish for change. Then you will realise that before any solid shift can occur, the fringe has to go through an awkward teenage phase. For months, the fringe will have an identity crisis. It will morph into many different beings. It will be unruly. And it will test your patience.
The eternal lie
The fashion and beauty world has pontificated that fringes are chic and oh so French. But they are selling you an idea which is never as alluring in real life. Those who wear fringes without hassle are magical creatures not made in this world.
For those of us who are products of this earth, we must accept that fringes are nothing but a pipe dream.
Each time you ask a hairdresser for a fringe, you will imagine yourself walking down the Champs-Élysées with a baguette and a handsome French man.
But the reality is walking down O'Connell Street with a packet of Brennan's bread and a young lad shouting at you.
All the while the fringe blows in the bitter wind, completely losing its shape.
Trust me, ladies, I know.
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