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‘I will opt for a rhythm over a routine any day’: Leonie Corcoran on life as a new mum
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Leonie Corcoran's life changed forever when she welcomed her baby boy into the world four months ago. Here, she opens up about post-partum wellness, and how she's found a rhythm (after much trial and error) that works for her – well, for now anyways!
I am a new mom. Four-month-old Baby Bear and I are outside as I type. He is sleeping.*
Before having him, routines weren’t for me. Anyone who knows me will know that I (unfairly) equate a routine with a lack of any sort of creativity, spontaneity or adventure. I blame boarding school for this unhelpful mindset, but seeing as I was having trouble moving away from it (surely it influenced the sense of ease I felt working all sorts of clashing hours and shifts in national newsrooms), I decided to reframe ‘routines’ as ‘rhythms’ a number of years ago – and it is much more my jam!
For me, a rhythm is something that assists a positive flow in my life; something that enables and supports my wellness. I feel quite positive towards rhythms, which means I can establish them and sustain them(ish), as opposed to feeling ‘the ick’ every time I think of a routine.
Enter Baby Bear, and despite all the incredible rewiring my brain is undergoing, I will still opt for a rhythm over a routine any day. When it comes to my post-partum wellness, I think this mindset has served me well because rhythms have become my small nods towards a ‘Wellness Routine’ that has helped me to recover and to support my mind and body.
Firstly, I have to share that I feel incredibly privileged to have experienced a healthy and ‘straightforward’ pregnancy and birth. My personal situation was – and is – undergoing significant change, but I have been physically and mentally healthy throughout. My hormones have seemed to support me, and this is not something everyone is as lucky to experience, so I want to be very clear that this enables all else for me.
Throughout my life, physically moving and being outdoors have been central to my wellness rhythm. Being immersed in nature and surrounded by animals replenishes me. For me, replenishment means filling my cup, and I need it as much as I need rest. In fact, I actively used to try to sleep more because I’m Maggie Thatcher in that way (and only that way for good or bad!). I don’t need a lot of sleep, and I tended not to prioritise it. It goes without saying that that has changed!
But even before the arrival of Baby Bear, I needed my replenishing time. As a woman who wears a number of professional hats (Business Editor at IMAGE, neuroscience-informed coach and co-founder of The Story Lab and vineyard dabbler), twice daily walks / wanders with the dogs in nature allow me to do many things – quieten my mind, shift my energy to match the next work task, find mindful moments, explore ideas, stretch my body with ease… the list goes on. These wanders help me find a sense of perspective and wonder (honestly, give me birdsong and a new bloom and I am happy), and I would also do my short daily meditations as I scrambled over old stone walls. Though I’d often slip up on my not-so-daily journaling, I’d always find moments to reflect as I walk the beaches or hike the hills.
I was able to do this throughout my pregnancy, and I knew it would change – even temporarily – when I had to schedule the c-section for my birth. No walking, no driving, no ‘going’. I think this is where the hormones kicked in because I was okay with it! I did not venture down the rabbit hole of c-section horror stories (or entertain the people who bizarrely wanted to share them with me – why?!), but I did look at the practicalities of recovering from major abdominal surgery while nurturing a newborn.
Taking time to physically recover was high on the list of recommendations, and this involved the simple 5-5-5 rule (5 days in bed, 5 days on bed and 5 days close to bed). My wonderful friend and colleague Dominique also recommended this to me, so I decided that was enough convincing for me, and it sounded so unlike me that I decided to plan for it! An important part of being okay with this plan was my dog Mutti – I knew I would feel awful if he was stuck inside (he tends to stay beside me a lot) and not getting the daily exercise and scents he’s used to… especially with a mini intruder in the house. So, despite missing his furry little head, I asked my friend Emma to take him for the first two weeks – forgoing my walks is one thing, his pleading eyes are quite another.
After that, I started to set up my bedroom to be as welcoming as it could be. My bedroom window opens onto the garden, and I am lucky to have a lovely view and light. I planted tomatoes outside the window so they’d start to trail upwards in those early post-partum weeks, and I moved a bougainvillaea to provide a little shade, colour and a simple play of light. I figured I’d be looking out the window a lot more than usual. A lick of paint was as far as I got inside – the spring clean and beautifying the space didn’t happen because he entered the world 10 days earlier than planned, but I had stockpiled a few of my favourite candles – La Bougie – and had my Neom diffuser at the ready. (Admittedly, the plug on the latter gave up, and the candles are still in their boxes as I wondered if candles are too strong for newborns, but writing this is a lovely reminder to sort both of these things out!)
When baby boy landed Earthside, my meditations and breathwork were a huge support. This started in the operating theatre, where I used the simple visualisations and breathing techniques I have learned over the past five years and that I had been practising daily as well as with my coaching clients. Such a simple, small thing, but to be able to feel into my breathing helped me feel calm as I lost the feeling in my lower body, as they rolled the operating instruments into view (why?!) and even as they whipped my little man away when he wasn’t responding initially.
Back at home, my support network was limited. Living abroad means I wouldn’t have a steady stream of friends and family popping by for cuddles and armed with food (somehow people have missed the ‘deliver prepped food’ memo here!). So, I decided to see the positives of this and to turn my focus firmly in. My pregnancy had been busy juggling work (the joy of being self-employed), so I decided I had two jobs for the first few months – getting to know Baby Bear and supporting myself to do that. Not fretting about the future and what it might look like, not worrying about how much we had bonded, just being in the moment, getting to know him and getting to know me in my new role. I decided that the idea of holding the first 40 days (why stop at 5-5-5?!) as sacred time to nourish yourself and get to know your little one was an idea I wanted to try, and given I couldn’t drive, it just made sense.
Giving myself that focus and the time to do it allowed me to lean into myself. It meant I started to trust my nurturing instincts, and I chose to see the good side of not having endless visitors – at least I had no espousing how I “should” be doing it! I am all for advice (and I have a select few friends on voicenote speed dial), but I think in those very early days, the fewer voices drowning out your inner voice, the better. So, first we rested together and then I just adapted to his rhythms. From a physical and mental wellness perspective, this worked for me. We wandered in the garden, we sat on the wall, we (well, I) watched butterflies dance. When he was ready – and my body was – I started to introduce some of the things that are important to me. We were already outdoors, so it was time for walking! I bought a budget three-wheeler buggy for the off-road experience and early walks with Mutti and the neighbouring doggies resumed. Slower than usual, but they resumed. (We’ve since upgraded from my budget option thanks to a generous ‘Out and About’ pre-loved gift from best friend Rachael, which is way more swish!).
When I had healed enough, I introduced a baby carrier, and he is now a happy little camper in his carrier as we wander the fields next door (note: the first one I tried did not suit my body shape at all, so I strongly suggest a fitting if you can or opting for pre-loved to start). I am very aware of how much my life will change to adapt to this little man in the coming months and years, but I do think it is important to try to hang onto some of the things that nourish me, such as our walks and time outdoors.
And while he is small enough not to complain, I am running (or walking slowly) with it! Sometimes, we simply look at the flowers, and his new grabbing reflex means he picked me my first flower last week – a sprig of lavender now pressed between pages of my journal. I have kept up my daily meditations – all through the Calm app – and I am sure Baby Bear already knows the voices of Tarmara and Jeff!
Alongside our wholesome outdoors time, another support for my mental wellness was the glorious permission to watch more TV series and popcorn for the brain than I have in years! Sometimes I needed it to keep me awake, sometimes for a giggle. Along with my endless hot chocolates, it was nourishing in all sorts of ways.
Over the past three months, my stitches have slowly healed, my body is recovering well, and my mental resilience feels solid. Due to some of the challenges I have in my broader personal situation, my mental wellbeing is incredibly important to me and prioritising it has meant many quiet early evenings in bed with Baby Bear, feeling no need to ‘do’ all the things I could do when he’s sleeping. I haven’t beautified any of the other rooms yet, I haven’t cleared out the kitchen cupboards, I haven’t X, Y, Z-ed. I really do need to… but just not yet and not all at once.
Instead, sometimes he sleeps on me, sometimes beside me, and sometimes, I sit outside the open window gazing at the stars as he slumbers. These quiet moments are, admittedly, solitary, but they feel nourishing for me, my little nod to having my ‘own’ time… even if it is for less than five minutes! Which is why my hair is rarely washed, but I have strategically moved my Ground body oil (Peigin Crowley is a genius – buy this for any pregnant woman you know!) and Modern Botany facial oil to be beside the bed. If I don’t get a shower, there is always time for self-massage after Baby Bear finishes his before-bed feed.
*A day later, I have finished writing this. He has slept plenty in this time, but I leave you under no illusions that he slept blissfully long enough for me to wrap my head around writing this and getting it finished!
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