Chrissy Teigen admits she “was a troll” after bullying scandal
Chrissy Teigen admits she “was a troll” after bullying scandal

Jennifer McShane

You won’t believe it, but the house everyone is obsessed with in Netflix’s Master of None is actually a set
You won’t believe it, but the house everyone is obsessed with in Netflix’s Master of...

Megan Burns

This 18th-century coach house in Wexford has had the most extraordinary renovation
This 18th-century coach house in Wexford has had the most extraordinary renovation

Lauren Heskin

Everything you need to know about ‘In the Heights’
Everything you need to know about ‘In the Heights’

Sarah Finnan

Lynn Enright: Should I have had a lockdown passion project?
Lynn Enright: Should I have had a lockdown passion project?

Lynn Enright

Tess Daly says she swears by this non-invasive, anti-ageing treatment
Tess Daly says she swears by this non-invasive, anti-ageing treatment

Shayna Sappington

Hunza G, the celebrity-favourite swimwear, has landed in Ireland
Hunza G, the celebrity-favourite swimwear, has landed in Ireland

Holly O'Neill

4 brilliant new books that are perfect summer reads
4 brilliant new books that are perfect summer reads

Jennifer McShane

‘The Crown’ star Emma Corrin reveals the ‘unusual’ way she was cast as Princess Diana
‘The Crown’ star Emma Corrin reveals the ‘unusual’ way she was cast as Princess Diana

Sarah Finnan

This Mauritian egg & rice dish will add panache to your Monday
This Mauritian egg & rice dish will add panache to your Monday

Meg Walker

Image / Editorial

‘Once, Twice, Three Times an Aisling’: Hen parties, WhatsApp and emojis


by Leonie Corcoran
03rd Oct 2019
blank

‘Once, Twice, Three Times an Aisling’: Our heroine is on the cusp of 30 and we’re delighted to report that Emer McLysaght and Sarah Breen continue to delight us. Enjoy this laugh-out-loud extract…


‘Well, girls, the time has come!’ I type into WhatsApp. ‘Our Maj is finally settling down with Fab Pab, but we need to give her a proper send?off!’ I throw in some champagne, heart and bride emojis.

‘We’re going to Tenerife from 29 March–1 April.’ Sun emoji, beach emoji, palm tree emoji.

‘The price is a bargainous €220 pp, including flights, shared rooms and transfers. Let me know if you can make it! I’ll share my bank account details tomorrow and if you can transfer a €50 deposit, and post your name as it appears on your passport, I’ll get booking before the flights go up.’ I finish with a rake more emojis and press Send. 

My phone immediately beeps. 

‘Who is this and how did you get my number? This is a data protection breach.’ 

Fionnuala – I should have known. God forgive me, but she’s some dry shite. 

‘Fionnuala, it’s Aisling,’ I fire back. ‘Got ur number from Maj. Hope you can come on the 29th!’ 

‘Wouldn’t miss it, hun!’ Sharon is straight in there, and thank God for that. We’re off! 

‘Hi Aisling, sounds good! Can I get my own room? Will pay extra.’ That’s Karen, a cousin. I did up a quick room plan this morning and had pencilled her in to share with Danielle, considering they’re sisters. But I suppose I can contact the Paradise Aqua and price a single room. I take a spiral notepad out of my desk drawer, write Hen To-Do List with my Good Pen and underline it twice. Nothing like a list to make you feel in control. 

‘I’m sure that’ll be grand, Karen,’ I type. 

‘Jesus, Karen, you’re some pain in the hole. Thanks, Aisling, I’m on for it.’ Danielle is in too. 

‘Me and Ruby are THERE, Ais.’ That’s Elaine. ‘Can you make sure we get a double room, though?’ 

‘No probs, Elaine!’ I write ‘Remember double room for Elaine and Ruby’ on the list. 

‘Wild horses couldn’t keep me away!’ Sadhbh is on board too. ‘I’ll fly from New York to Dublin and meet you all in the airport. Will you book me an extra bag?’ I stick ‘Sadhbh extra bag’ on the list. 

‘Looking forward to it! Can I get an aisle seat, Aisling?’ Shirley, wouldn’t you know. I suddenly start to feel very warm. 

‘I’ll do my best, Shirley,’ I type, while fanning my armpits. Then I add ‘Shirley aisle seat’ to the list. 

‘Lovely, Aisling.’ It’s Liz, Majella’s mam. ‘How many bags can we bring and do I need to weigh them? Can I have the aisle seat across from Shirley?’ 

I bring up the Ryanair website and try and make sense of the current cabin-bag situation, which seems to change weekly. You’d want to have your wits about you. It looks like you can only bring a small carry-on bag, unless you book this Plus thing, which is an extra €20. Honestly, I don’t know how Michael O’Leary sleeps at night. What an absolute chancer. 

‘Ladies, you can bring one small carry-on bag each! Otherwise you can pay another €20 to check a bag up to 20kg!’ I type. 

‘Is that each way, Aisling?’ Mairead, who’s been known to reuse tea bags, doesn’t miss a trick. I go back to the hellish Ryanair website. It is. It’s €20 each way. 

‘That’s €20 each way,’ I  clarify. 

‘So it’s actually €260 if I want to check a bag?’ Mairead replies, adding a money-flying-away emoji, which I feel is a bit unnecessary. 

‘A small price to pay when you’re practically in Africa!’ I fire off. ‘Plus you get priority boarding.’ Then I throw out a smiley-face emoji to keep the tone light. 

‘Sounds deadly, thanks for organising, Ais!’ That’s Dee Ruane. ‘Maeve is here with me. She’s looking forward to it too!’ Excellent. They’ll share a room. 

‘Hello, Aisling, Liz’s sister Selina here. Will it be very hot there that weekend? I don’t do well in the heat.’ I take another deep breath and Google ‘Tenerife climate’. 

It looks like the temperature will be 14-22 degrees at the end of March. 

‘It’ll probably be around 18 degrees, Selina. Lovely!’ I reply. 

‘Selina has left the group.’

Oh right. 

Once, Twice, Three Times an Aisling by Emer McLysaght and Sarah Breen is published by Gill Books, €14.99. 

Once, Twice, Three Times an Aisling by Emer McLysaght and Sarah Breen is published by Gill Books, €14.99.


Read more: Books to curl up with this weekend

Read more: Seriously creepy books

Read more: Audio books for your commute

Also Read

blank
EDITORIAL
Setting mental health boundaries: ‘I didn’t expect the level of anger it caused’

The entitled backlash when someone tries to set their own...

By Amanda Cassidy

audiobooks
EDITORIAL
6 brilliant audiobooks worth listening to during lockdown

Six great audiobooks to listen to in lockdown. It took...

By Jennifer McShane

Taylor Swift
EDITORIAL
I was not a fan of Taylor Swift. Then I watched her documentary

The documentary Miss Americana has shown a different side to...

By Edaein OConnell

Women with MS who take medication, especially immunosuppressants, cannot become pregnant unless they come off medication.
premium HEALTH & WELLNESS, REAL-LIFE STORIES
I had to weigh up the possibility of losing my mind against losing my future children

Holograms of the children she may never have dance across Dearbhla Crosses' mind as an MS diagnosis and Covid-19 are unwelcome reminders of her biological clock ticking.

By Dearbhla Crosse

blank
EDITORIAL
‘We went to the zoo today – and life felt deliciously normal’

What’s seldom is truly wonderful, writes Amanda Cassidy Dublin Zoo...

By Amanda Cassidy

Britta Baranowsky The Flowerfield
EDITORIAL
Happy World Bee Day: These are the best bee-friendly flowers to plant right now

Attracting bees to your outdoor patch is a cinch, with...

By Amanda Kavanagh

blank
EDITORIAL
I’ve been ugly and beautiful and the difference is depressing

When I was 12 I wrote a story about two...

By Sophie White