There Are No Excuses for Scary Feet

Having successfully fed my big toe into an escalator this week (7 stitches), feet are much on my mind. Although Frankentoe is not eligible for any beauty contests at the moment, neither are far, far too many obviously un-pedicured Irish feet. We’re half way through the best summer in memory and frankly, some of the sights being happily paraded about in flip flops and pretty sandals are beyond repulsive.

Forget untended claws, which are of course gross and all too common enough. The most disgusting thing is the condition of many people’s southernmost skin. Ladies AND gentlemen, if your heels can handle Croagh Patrick without making you wince, it’s time to get out an industrial sander.

Hello? You’re not meant to grow your own shoes.

Why is it that in nearly every yoga class in the country, you can count on having to visually digest at least a few scarily cracked, curragh-consistency Hobbit appendages every time you Downward Dog? Sometimes you can even hear protruding sharpish bits scraping against Lycra as they settle into a position. While that supplies extra incentive to focus on your practice, it can make you wonder – in a very non-Yogic way.? Before you know it you’re asking yourself what other hygiene issues are not being attended to and trying to imagine when the last time was the person steering them had sex?and with what. I mean whom.

It gets worse. According to one beautician in the city centre, the BULK of their busy salon traffic comes for fungal nail treatments (at least those people are pro-active). How has it come to this, she asks? Another therapist in the ‘burbs emerged from a veritable blizzard of foot filings to admit after her client left that a dust cloud of that epic magnitude wasn’t at all unusual in the course of an Irish pedicure. She says Irish women simply don’t look after their feet compared to women in, well, everywhere else.? Back in the day, people abroad used to diss British teeth- nowadays they’re probably all talking about Irish feet.

The unforgivable thing is you don’t need a professional to get sorted. Armed with a Pediegg, some clippers and a decent moisturiser, anyone can have feet that don’t scare people ALL YEAR LONG. Add some polish (we’re loving flashing our neon orange Chanel Holiday) and they can even be an asset. C’mon, people. Your country needs you.

@lgeorge353 is off for a pedicure.