Niamh Ennis: ‘When my father died the connection I felt to him did not end’
This week, the week of All Souls, take time to think about someone you have lost, writes Niamh Ennis
Much has been written these last few weeks about Hallowe’en, Samhain and the fact that for the first time in 44 years the full blue moon happened on October 31st.
I have to confess I’m not the biggest Hallowe’en fan. I feel a much stronger connection to the days after, to the season of Samhain. I most definitely feel and believe that the veil is so much thinner between our world and the next, at this time of the year and in particular around the feast of All Souls.
The truth is that this time of the year gives me incredible comfort. I find myself having conversations with my loved ones who are there now instead of here. I don’t necessarily feel the sadness of their loss more at this time of the year, I am just more aware of it.
In being reminded of their absence, I am more aware of their presence.
When my Dad was alive I always felt an incredible connection between him and me.
I believed and still do that nobody had ever loved me the way he did, not just in that unconditional paternal way, but in the way that no matter what I did, or said, he loved me just for who I was and never tried to change how I thought, how I felt or what I did. I knew, without ever articulating it to him, or him to me, that there was one person forever in my corner who only wanted everything good for me. How lucky was I to experience pure love like this.
When he died this feeling did not leave with him. I feel huge relief being able to write that. It helps considerably with my grief. That strong and very palpable connection that I have with this man, which I will always have with this man, my father.
The man I miss, the man I believe was taken too soon, but the man who even now has never left me.
I have real conversations in my head and out loud with him. They are genuine dialogues. I hear him pose questions such as ‘are you sure you should do that?’ ‘are you not ready to forgive them yet?’ ‘why not try doing or saying this instead?’ ‘stop being so stubborn, slow down’ He doesn’t just tell me everything I’m doing is right, he challenges me on almost every decision. That’s how I am sure it’s him, his voice and his presence. He is still pushing me forward.
I can go days without noticing him around me and then I’ll have a really strong sense that he’s there. There are times I will call him in and there are times I won’t need to. He’ll know that I need him and that will be enough.
Now I am all too aware that many people may read this with a little hint of skepticism and that’s absolutely fine. But I also know that others will know exactly what I’m talking about.
From my own experiences of loss over the years, I’ve delved into many theories and teachings that I felt would help make sense of it all for me.
I came across one of these that relates to ‘soul contracts’ which essentially, in layman terms, is that before we are born, we make ‘soul contracts’ with other souls ahead of receiving our earthly bodies. We choose our families; we choose those who will have a special part to play in our development on life; we choose those who can teach us the most.
This really resonated with me. I absolutely know that I chose my Dad and that he chose me.
I know that in spite of the heartbreak and sadness I felt, when I lost so many people close to me, that my connection with him remains strong. It remains strong because we are not done yet. The soul contract we share goes beyond this lifetime and our souls are both still teaching one another and learning from one another.
While this may not make sense to others – it makes perfect sense to me.
So this week, the week of All Souls, maybe think about someone you have lost and think about the connection you have with them. Is there a photograph of a grandparent or great grandparent that stirs something in you? Is there a memory of someone who has died that evokes a feeling in you that you’ve not been quite able to explain?
With the veil being so thin right now never has it been a better time to communicate, to ask questions, to look for signs, to open yourself up to whatever, or most importantly whoever, might drop in.
Niamh Ennis is a Change & Transformation Specialist and Founder of The RESET for Change 3 Month 1:1 Private Coaching Programme. Niamh works with women who simply feel stuck, who want to change but don’t know where to start. She reconnects them with the person they know they can be. To work with Niamh on your own bespoke Private Coaching Programme visit niamhennis.com