The word empowerment is everywhere for women, right? It’s stamped onto T-shirts, bellowed in Instagram captions, and baked into entire brand campaigns. It’s become a catch-all for everything women are meant to feel… strong, capable, self-actualised. In theory, all sounds great. But in reality, the word makes my toes curl, so I thought a little deeper as to why. I landed at resources. Because what is empowerment, really, without the resources to make it real?
Now, before I get into a personal story, I need to caveat something. For many women in the world, women for whom fundamental human rights are being denied – women in Gaza, women in Afghanistan, women in Congo – the idea of empowerment isn’t a buzzword, it’s a matter of survival. These are women fighting for the most basic human rights. I am beyond humbled by what they are forced to live through. What I’m about to share lives in a very different context. But it’s still worth saying, because all our stories matter.
This week, after months of hesitation, we finally made the – very privileged – decision to attempt to hire a part-time childminder. I’ve been working more than full-time hours, managing a team, running a home, raising two small kids, and trying (often failing) to look after myself somewhere in the mix. My partner is incredible, but he runs his own businesses and frequently travels for work. We needed help. The maths wasn’t mathsing, and something had to give.
I preach endlessly about the modern village, about the pressure mums put themselves under, about how important rest is, about how we need to do away with the term “mum guilt” and reach out for all the help. And yet here am I, wracked with guilt about hiring someone to help us despite being stretched so thin that I’m see-through. I speak so often about the importance of “the village”, of shared care, of women supporting women, of community. And yet I was hesitating to give myself even a corner of that village, because somewhere along the way, I internalised the idea that needing help meant failing.
But then a friend said something so obvious, it stopped me in my tracks: What would you say to a friend in the same position? I would tell her she deserves support. That she doesn’t need to do it all alone. That having help doesn’t make her less… it makes her held. So why couldn’t I say that to myself? The truth is, because empowerment isn’t enough. In fact, empowerment just turns the problem back to the woman. When women, especially mothers, need to be resourced. We need time. We need space. We need money, care, and community. Not slogans, not survival tips, not IG posts about mum guilt, and not more pressure to ‘hustle’.
Empowerment without resources is just a fancy word for pressure.
Here’s what I’m learning very slowly, and with kindness:
– Empowerment without resources is just a fancy word for pressure
– Hiring help and creating your own village is not a failure: it’s a feminist decision
– The guilt is cultural, not personal (it doesn’t serve you, and you can train yourself out of it)
– Being “the village” for everyone else while denying yourself one is a pretty mad thing to do, that only leads in one direction (see next point)
– We talk a lot about burnout, but not enough about the systems that create it
– Rest is a radical act
– The mothers I admire most are the ones who are resourced and supported
– “I can do it all” is a myth… “I can ask for help” is the truth
– If we want to raise healthy kids and build sustainable careers, we need infrastructure, not inspiration
– We don’t really need to feel empowered but it would be nice to feel held
I’m learning to stop aiming for some polished version of “empowered” and to start building a life that’s actually sustainable. That means accepting help. That means spending the money. That means letting go of guilt. Because I don’t want to be the woman who looks empowered on the outside and is crumbling quietly. I want to be the woman who is resourced. Cared for. Supported. Soft. Human. That’s the kind of strength I want now, and the kind I want every woman to know she deserves.
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