Gucci caused a social media meltdown when the brand released its O'Neill's inspired shorts worth €550. Here our fashion writer suggests a few quintessentially Irish ways to wear them
O'Neill's football shorts are a national emblem.
We have known how special they are all our lives, but it has taken the rest of the world nearly 65 years to open their eyes.
Normal People did it. The show finally exposed the characteristics of real Ireland. For so long, it was leprechauns and "top of the morning" salutes. Now they know that what really lights the fire within us is GAA shorts and a severe lack of communication skills.
Just last week I wrote an open letter to Paul Mescal to stop it. In recent weeks, pictures of him frequenting parks in London in nothing but a pair of O'Neill's shorts caused a frenzy. I wrote that the shorts were now the entire country's erotic blueprint.
And now it seems the shorts are a part of the fashion master plan too.
Gucci and Mayo GAA
Gucci caused raucous on social media when it unveiled its 'waterproof nylon swim shorts with web' which are in other words 'an expensive knock-off of the Mayo county shorts'.
The website describes the shorts as "crafted from waterproof nylon, these swim shorts are completed by an elastic waistband with drawstring. The green and red web ribbon runs down the sides and gives them an athletic feel with the Gucci jacquard label".
Replace the word 'Gucci' with 'Mayo' and I'm sure this is what the Mayo team is told when they receive their gear for the season ahead at McHale Park.
Could Gucci and Mayo be tricking us? Is it just a coincidence that the brand colours are almost identical in tone? Is Mayo GAA rebranding with the help of Gucci as they try to win their first All-Ireland since 1951?
Can Gucci break the curse?
All jokes aside, I think it's time to dissect the shorts in a fashion sense.
Where will you wear them?
How will you style them?
Well, men of Ireland, as a fashion writer and a Kerry woman with an affinity for all things culchie and GAA – I'm here to help.
The GAA Pitch
Though you might think €550 is too much for a pair of shorts that will be destroyed and distorted by the harshness of a club football pitch – I think you are wrong. The Gucci shorts will add fashion flair to dark winter training sessions where the freezing rain pelts your skin and you're severely hungover.
In a competitive setting, the shorts will act as one of the greatest defensive tactics of all time. Just shout "DON'T TOUCH MY GUCCI SHORTS LAD" to a fella trying to score a point off you and he'll kick it wide with the shock.
Wear with a pair of Adidas Copa Mundial boots, yellow and black Mikasa gloves, and a club jacket for a classic home house to clubhouse look.
The shorts aren't just for sports. They're for socialising too. From the pub to the night club, your object of desire won't be able to take their eyes off you as you slug pints and tear into a packet of bacon fries.
Rural Ireland, in particular, is notoriously tetchy when it comes to those who dress outside of their station. Yet, the shorts will only get respect from those in the locality. The lads on the team will say, "why didn't I think of that? Sure, I wouldn't have had to change after training at all. I could have left the shorts on – I'm actually thick."
Wear with Adidas Stan Smiths and a plain crew neck t-shirt à la Connell in Normal People.
Christmas Eve mass
There is an oddity in Irish men I can't grasp. Why is it that when the temperatures near freezing, Irish males think it a perfect time to wear shorts? Does their body hair provide adequate insulation? Is their blood warmer?
Well, it's good news for Gucci sales because there will be droves of Irish men wearing the shorts to Christmas Eve mass. The congregation may stare at you confused, but at some point during communion will believe it to be some sort of championship prayer ritual.
Wear with a structured wool coat, polo neck and loafers for a holy appropriate outfit.
Cattle chic is what they will call it. Anna Wintour and the fashion department of Vogue will soon be running around a farm in Tullow to get a shot of the Gucci shorts in action. It goes without saying that there is nothing better than a farmer with land and a bit of road, but what about a farmer with land, road and Gucci shorts?
Can somebody get a bottle of holy water for me? I'm heating up.
Wear with a flat cap and a Barbour jacket for a high-end trip to the cattle mart look.
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