09th Jun 2015
1. The friend with whom you can be your grossest self, safe in the knowledge that they’ll never out you in public. One flick through your shared WhatsApp photos and you’ll be awash with hideous face-pulling pics, naked ‘progress pics’ and more NSFW material.
2. The friend who boosts your confidence like a boss, ready and willing to drown you in genuine compliments when you’re having a low moment. Such as, ‘you are a RIDE, a big, fat ride’ and ‘OMG, I cannot cope with how STUNNING you are right now’, even if you’re swathed in a polka dot onesie with tears of mascara streaming down your face, post break-up.
3. The friend whose advice you can always trust. There will always be friends who will agree with your every suggestion, because they really don’t give a damn if it’s nothing to do with them, but then there will be friends who will shoot from the hip and tell you when a dress you’ve just bought reminds them of that time Kim Kardashian looked like a floral couch. With this person around, you can trust that you won’t wind up walking down the aisle looking like a pavlova on your wedding day.
4. The friend who you adore because they never give you a hard time for not seeing them or texting them regularly; it’s just easy and always a pleasure.
5. The friend with whom you can enjoy the bitchiest of bitch fest. With this person, you will be your most uninhibited, judgey self and neither of you will care because sometimes, it’s just necessary to let off steam, no matter how unreasonable or unfounded said bitching may be. They’ve got your back.
6. The friend who will tell you when you’re being a bee with an itch about something, and you won’t really mind, because you know it’s true and you know they still love you.
7. The friend who will drop everything, jump on a flight, swim the English channel or brave a sweaty man’s armpit as they squeeze onto the bus in a desperate bid to get to you when you text to say you need them.
8. The friend who will let you cry your heart out, knowing that you just need to, that it’s therapeutic and that the last thing you want to hear right now is ‘it’s going to be okay, you’ll be fine.’ What this amazing friend says is ‘I know, this is f*cking sh*t.’
9. The friend who communicates only through imagery and gifs. Sad? Cute animal pic coming right atcha.
10. The friend who encourages you to take silly risks that will turn out to be the stories you will tell your grandchildren. Everyone needs a bold friend who brings out the most primal and brave part of themselves. Yes, you may end up apologising to a neon coated figure of authority, but that’s how you wrap up a good anecdote.
11. The friend who has stuck with you through secondary school and/or college.They never told you not to wear a bandage dress and will never spitefully mention your history of making a fool of yourself, unless you were both involved and it’s a genuinely funny story now. They know when to slag, and when to shut up and send an understanding smile when someone else mentions an ex-crush’s name. A witness to your awkward stage can sometimes be your greatest ally.
12. The friend who is demonically good at make-up. Sometimes no matter how many YouTube tutorials you cram into your Friday evening, you really need hands on tutelage from a not-exactly-qualified pro. We all have a pal who can slay a slick cats eye. Use this resource, or you will just end up looking a little bit drunk all the time.
13. The friend who is just chill. Life is a rollercoaster of neurotics, mood swings, and annoying bitches. Having a friend who you know will be your own personal Xanax is the comfiest of comfort blankets. You’ll go hysterical over being left out of a group message about a weekend away to Manchester, she’ll coo and tell you that Manchester isn’t the cracked up hipster metropolis the lifestyle supplements tell you it is. Everyone needs a someone in their life whose mantra is “The only people who should stress about their jobs are surgeons.” Sometimes you will wonder if this friend is too relaxed, if you know what we mean, but keep them close because bath salts won’t always cut it.
14. The friend with high standards. Having a person in your life who tells you to expect and demand more is detrimental for getting through the stress molasses that is your twenties. Dating a freeloader? She’ll tell you to cop on. Being treated like an intern at work despite working there three years? Meet your own personal Sheryl Sandberg.
15. The friend you trust with your life. It might be a bit grim to say the test for this is who would you ring if you needed to bury a body, but that’s the measuring stick we’re talking. This is the friend who keeps all your secrets and will never judge you for the slightly shady thoughts you have voiced, the deeds you have committed and the fringe you keep getting every three years. She is a love ninja.
1 – 9 by Caroline Foran. Follow Caroline Foran on Twitter @CarolineForan
10 -15 by Jeanne Sutton. Follow Jeanne Sutton on Twitter @jeannedesutun
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