6 wellness trends debunked: ‘Ladies, please don’t stick this in your vagina’

Are we so dirty and toxic that we keep needing to stick things inside us to ‘cleanse’ our lady bits?

Women of the world. Please don’t put parsley into your vagina to bring on your period. You may bring on a curse, but it is more likely to be insect-related than female-reproductive-cycle-related

The fact that we need to debunk certain myths when it comes to our lady gardens is concerning. But the recent surge in vaginal insertions including garlic and ice-pops has prompted one gynaecologist to write a book about it. Gynaecologist Dr Jen Gunter has penned The Vagina Bible to confront misconceptions surrounding female sexual health.

She believes the internet has a big part to play in why some of these very, er, unusual methods for cleaning have come about. She told The Independent: “Women don’t randomly stick vegetable matter up their vagina, someone has told them to do it. There’s almost no information about the safety of these things for your vaginal health.”

Gunther blames commercial interests. “The fact that people are profiting from the idea that a woman’s reproductive tract is dirty and filled with toxins is really the core tenet of the patriarchy.”

“One woman suffered third degree burns when her one-woman vaginal steam party went horribly wrong”.

The gynaecologist has been openly critical of Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle brand Goop — especially when it comes to obscure vaginal detoxification. The latest craze is ‘steaming’. In fact, one woman suffered third-degree burns when her one-woman vaginal steam party went horribly wrong.

“The whole basis of vaginal steaming is to cleanse the toxins from your uterus, but that’s not possible,” Gunter explains. “There are no toxins in there. If there were, how would a baby grow? It’s just common sense.”

Here are some of the other things we’ve been told to stick in our vaginas for better health. Bear in mind that these are not recommended by us nor should you do anything without consulting your doctor.

Yogurt

Some people like to slather a good dollop of yogurt up there to treat a yeast infection. Some even soak a tampon in the stuff. But bacteria and yeast love dark, moist places like this, and infection is a huge risk. Do not feed yogurt to your yoni. If you think you may have a yeast infection, get checked out by a doctor.

Steam

As above. It may be a fad these days but sitting on special chairs without underwear with herbal infused steam drifting around your bits is unlikely to be very effective. It is also a high-risk hobby. Focus on other ways to feel steamy down there.

Wasps nests

Yes, really.  So-called oak galls are made when a gall wasp lays eggs in a tree’s leaf buds for the larva to grow. The chemical produced by the wasps is supposed to ‘heal the uterine wall after childbirth’ and ‘clean out the vagina’. Doctors caution against this trend saying that the dryness of the vaginal wall from the paste can lead to painful sex, and like all intra-vaginal practices, gives an increased risk of infections, including HIV.

Vegetables

No, a nice cold cucumber isn’t ‘cleansing’ for your vag. Don’t forget that vegetables have pesticides. There is also the risk that bits of vegetables can get stuck up there, and how are we even writing this…

Jade eggs

Goop told us that “queens and concubines used them to stay in shape for emperors in ancient Chinese culture.” How marvellous for the emperors.

The idea is that once vaginally inserted, the body is able to harness the energy intrinsic to the stone. Others use them to build vaginal muscles. Goop also claimed that regular jade egg use can help balance your hormones and quell symptoms associated with PMS. Dr Chang OB-GYN who  trained as a gynaecologist in China said the claims were “absolutely false. No Chinese medicine books or historical records ever mentioned this.”

Vicks

The vapo rub.

The one your mum used to rub on your chest when you had a cold.

Now some women are slathering it on their vaginas to sooth itching, ‘clean’ the vagina or to treat yeast infection. Can you imagine the sting? Doctors warn this can also cause serious damage. Let’s just say that ‘burning sensation’ isn’t something you should be looking to achieve here.

Also, how dirty do we all think our vaginas are?

Meanwhile, Dr Gunter recommends that anyone with problems with their Lady V should seek out correct medical advice before self-treating. “If you start your search in a place that’s accurate, you’re going to be armed against any misinformation.”

Photography by Unsplash.