While most well-respected publications will tell you that your winter wardrobe staples must consist of a pair of Carvela over-the-knee boots that are near impossible to walk in, a sequined playsuit that will be both itchy to wear and prove difficult when peeing, we're going to take a brief moment to keep it real. What do we really want this winter? We want comfort, we want to hibernate, we want to eat shepherds pie and heat ourselves up with hot port. Party season is inevitable, and while we enjoy a night out as much as the next person, we'd prefer to get in tune with nature. We're meant to be lying low, recharging, getting cosy and, because the days are shorter, it's almost permanently grey and soon to be bloody freezing, we ought to do whatever the hell we want.
Here's what we'll be investing in this winter.
1. PJs that aren't sexy, aren't flattering, but feel as though your cocooned in your mother's womb once more.
2. If our wallets can stretch to it, a Hungarian goose down duvet, because we'd like to spend most of our time in bed and these light, fluffy yet incredibly comforting duvets are the best bedroom accessory you'll ever get your hands on. Go for 13.5 tog and even if you've got a single bed for one, it's got to be Super King all the way.
3. A big fat parka that isn't tailored. Your 'figure' will remain entirely undetected underneath this duvet-come-outerwear, but you'll be warm, and you won't give a rat's. You'll thank us when you're not holed up in bed with a two-week chest infection because you went out in the depths of December wearing nothing more than a cute cashmere cardi.
4. Having said that, cashmere is the one luxury material that bridges the gap between sartorial success and pure, unadulterated comfort. Get yourself a cashmere hat if you want to avoid the wool imprint that gets left on your head when you opt for cheaper materials. Get a cashmere polo-neck if you want to still feel as though your in bed while you're in a business meeting.
5. Potatoes. Not sweet potatoes, not avocados (that are really more of a summer staple), just good old fashioned, starchy Irish spuds that won't appear on any paleo blogs but will make your belly very happy. Whether it's a chicken and broccoli pie or a Sunday roast (or a Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday roast), a mountain of mashed potato has every right to appear on your 'meal plan' at this time of year. M&S do the best pre-made mash. If, for whatever reason, you're not eating dairy but you still want your mash to be super creamy, a dollop of mayonnaise, a spoonful of wholegrain mustard, some sea salt, pepper and maybe some chopped chives, will do the trick.
6. Socks that you won't be able to wear under your ankle boots, but the minute you get home and you strip off your uncomfortable office wear; you can step your feet into these babies, otherwise known (to us) as foot pillows.
7. Ugg boots. We know it's not 2005, but just do it, your feet won't judge you.
8. Red wine (it needn't be expensive wine) and Glogg from Ikea. It costs €2.
If you can't be bothered with spices and cloves and fruit and all that actual mulling, simply add 1 part Glogg to 2 parts red wine, into a pot on the hob, heat it up and serve. The tastiest, most comforting mulled wine with none of the hassle.
9. A pair of fleece-lined sweatpants for when you have to go to the shops, you're too classy for going in your PJs but the thought of denim jeans makes you shudder. Elastic waistbands are all the range at Christmastime, just ask Joey from Friends.
10. This Works Deep Sleep Pillow Spray. Does exactly what it says on the tin, sending you into the loveliest of slumbers with the help of lavender oil, Vetivert and Wild Camomile to soothe your body and mind. It's clinically proven to help you drift off faster and wake up feeling more refreshed.