Kristen Stewart Talks Robert Pattinson Split: ‘F*cking Kill Me’

Kristen Stewart is busy promoting her new movie in which she stars opposite Nicholas Hoult, Equals. Given the movie’s narrative – it’s a sci-fi flick that sees two people fall in love in a dystopian world where emotions and feelings have been wiped out – Kristen’s been more than willing to open up about some personal experiences, despite her unwavering reticence in the past. Something we certainly hadn’t expected her to discuss was her highly probed break-up with Robert Pattinson, who’s now engaged to FKA Twigs.

In a new interview with The Daily Beast, K-Stew says of their split, “It was incredibly painful. Ugh, f*cking kill me.”

In a rather comforting twist of fate for Stewart, Hoult was also in the throes of his break-up with Jennifer Lawrence when the pair began filming for Equals. Kristen explains, “It was a really good time for both of us to make this movie. Not all of my friends have been through what I’ve been through, or what some people have tasted at a relatively-speaking young age, and we were not expected to do anything. Everything that we did was explorative, and a meditation on what we already knew. We all felt akin by how much we’ve been through, and to utilize that is so scary. And to acknowledge it, reassess, and jump back into it? Usually, you want to move on. But at least we could use some of that for some good. This movie was a meditation on firsts, and a meditation on maintaining, and a meditation on the ebbs and flows of what it’s like to love someone?your feelings versus your ideals, the bursting of bubbles, the shattering of dreams you thought were possible, and what you have to contend with as things get more realistic. Relationships, you just never f*cking know.”

True dat.

On the subject of emotions and medication, Kristen finds it bizarre that we would not want to experience the full spectrum, numbing ourselves with various medications. “As far as we know, you have one shot at this, and it can be so fucking beautiful, so why lessen the feeling of anything? Why numb yourself? I’m not on antidepressants. I think it’s bizarre.”

?Oh, do you feel something? We can help you with that.? Self-exploration goes out the door with medication. You go, ?Oh god, I have a little stomachache,? and they say, ?Here, we can help you with that.? Well, why do you have that stomachache? Maybe it’s because your head’s in your stomach, so maybe there’s something you’re ignoring that you can work out. No, I completely agree.”

Alluding to her feelings around seeing her ex-boyfriend pair off with somebody new, Kristen’s trying to think positively about love in the future: “If you’ve been hurt?you know when you’ve broken up with someone, and you look at someone walking down the street holding hands and think, ‘Ugh, give it a fuckin’ year. Let me know how you feel in a year, ugh, I don’t believe in that,’ well if we did our jobs right, then it would be to remind you that you can definitely get back to that, and how hard, amazing, and life-fulfilling those feelings were in the very beginning.”

Read the full interview here, watch the trailer for Equals below.