23rd Jul 2018
As Jack and Dani look set to win this year’s Love Island, Geraldine Carton makes her predictions for the various spin-off shows that are sure to follow.
“It was the ultimate love story: the TV celebrity’s glamourous daughter falls for the pen salesman.”
From the moment that Dani Dyer and Jack Fincham locked eyes, it was clear that this was going to be something special. Throughout their relationship on Love Island we’ve oggled at this happy-go-lucky pair and marveled at how they not only stole each other’s hearts, but our hearts, too.
From the very beginning
We’ve gone through all the highs and lows with these two; feeling Dani’s disappointment when Jack revealed how he had cheated on “evray gehwlfriend he evah had”, and joining in her swoons when he did something lovely (making her breakfast; leaving a rose on their tidied bed; presenting her with a dead *fake* cat at the fireman challenge…).
And then how could we forget Jack delighting in the couple’s first proper kiss? The way his face lights up whenever he sees Dani (causing him to flash those so-white-they’re-almost-blue teeth) could warm even the coldest heart.
Jack and Dani have given us endless entertainment throughout the show, not to mention acting as moral rocks in a house full of otherwise dubiously-principled pebbles. As such, it’s only right that the Jack-and-Dani joy should continue, despite Love Island coming to its close.
Here’s my hopeful prediction of what’s to come for everyone’s favourite duo:
The Love Island aftermath
When they leave the house (presumably having won), the couple will undoubtedly need some time to adjust to their newfound celebrity status. Being a respectful public, we’ll give them a 20 minutes’ cooling off period before ushering in a tv crew, who will record their every post-Love-Island move thereafter.
And so will commence the first of the spin-off series; starting off with the phonetically-spelled “Iyem Sah Glad Iy Goht Yah”.
It begins with a scene of Jack introducing Dani to his family, and then Dani introducing Jack to hers. Here we will see Jack proving his worth (and channeling his love of role-play) by attempting to convince Dani’s famous father Danny Dyer to buy an imaginary pen.
As the episodes progress, Jack and Dani will continue their courtship. Despite some innuendos and giggly references to “doing bits”, this will remain a firmly PG show for all the family to enjoy. Danny Dyer will despise Jack for the entire first series but Jack will never notice this, and blissfully go about his courtship with Dani, much to her father’s fury.
The series will finish with Jack proposing, followed by a swift changing of the show’s title.
Cue “Iy Wan’ Cheh Teh Bay Miy Woiyfe”. Here we will see our loveable lovebirds making all the arrangements for their upcoming nuptials. There will be quite a few arguments in this series as Dani struggles to pick her dress and Jack starts to get wind of Danny’s hatred of him. Viewers will see Jack stress-eat many packets of crisps throughout; mostly when he is forced to attend meetings with the wedding planner, but also whenever he sees Danny Dyer approaching.
Nonetheless, this will remain a largely happy show, and once the “Iy dos” are done, Jack will be welcomed into the Dyer Circle of Trust. Cue Danny and Jack doing shots at the wedding reception bar.
And so marks the end of the second series and we get a sneak peak of the subsequent spin-off show “Iy Cahn’ Balayv Ih’!” to come.
Not wanting to give away too many spoilers, all we’ll say is that fans can expect to bear witness to the couple swiftly getting pregnant (welcoming a beautiful baby called some variation of the name Dannee/Dani/Danny/Danay) and enjoying continued success as Dani hosts a hit talk show (aptly called “Iy Say Ih’ ‘Ow Ih’ ‘Iz”), whilst Jack launches a lucrative stationery sales empire, named DBS (short for “Desk Bits Society”).
A number of other shows and projects are sure to follow; everything from a very niche cooking show (every week the couple cooks up a different variation of chicken fajitas), to a relationship counseling show (which focuses on the benefits of role play, obviously), is on the cards.
Ultimately when the couple reaches old age, they’ll wind down their combined careers with a nature show, entitled “Iy Lahv Naytcha”, which is sure to appeal to Love Island and David Attenborough fans alike.
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