An open letter to the Japanese billionaire seeking a 20-year-old woman for a trip around the moon
14th Jan 2020
Japanese billionaire Yusaku Maezawa is looking for a companion in both space and life and one of our writers is applying for the position
The world is weird but this story may just tip the post ahead of all earth’s neuroses put together.
Japanese fashion billionaire Yusaku Maezawa is looking for a partner to join him in space on the first SpaceX flight around the moon. Not only this, he wants to travel through life together with her.
Yusaku is the founder of Zozotown, which is Japan’s largest fashion retailer. With a net worth of $2 billion, he has the means to travel to space and buy anything he desires, but you can’t buy love. Although you can advertise for the position of a lover/astronaut.
All women can apply to be Yusaku’s girlfriend, but there is one caveat that he valiantly insists upon. She must be over the age of 20. (Yusaku is 44.)
He said of the venture: “I’m sure I’ve been able to acquire my share of money, social status, and fame along the way… But now I’m restarting my life. I’m 44 now. As feelings of loneliness and emptiness slowly begin to surge upon me, there’s one thing that I think about: Continuing to love one woman. I want to find a ‘life partner.’ With that future partner of mine, I want to shout our love and world peace from outer space.”
And so, I decided to apply for the position. If you fancy having an out of this world romance you too can apply through this Google form but I wanted to make an impact the old-fashioned way.
With a letter of interest.
I am writing to you with regards your advertisement for a female companion to space.
My name is Édaein O’ Connell and I am 25 years old. I hail from Co Kerry in Ireland and I live on a hill, so the change in altitude should not affect me. However, I am a nervous flyer and may need wine or straight vodka before take-off.
Don’t let my age fool you. I have just started running and I truly believe it is providing me with the energy of a 20-year-old. Twenty-five is not old by any means but sometimes when I squat I can’t get back up. Furthermore, there may be the early signs of arthritis in my knee joints and I retain water very easily.
Like you, I wish for world peace. Do you worry about climate change? You have not specified but I hope you will be offsetting your carbon footprint in some way following our trip to space. I am now talking in the present tense as if we are already together because I believe in manifestation and I am willingly trying to talk this into existence.
You say you wish for a bright personality and someone who is always positive. Around day 24 in my cycle, I can get quite moody. The littlest things such as puppies, the realisation that David Bowie is dead and EastEnders can cause quite the reaction in me. This can continue for quite some time. Actually, this type of reaction can occur on any given day. I recently cried on a flight to New York because I felt like Saoirse Ronan in Brooklyn when she leaves Ireland on the boat. Altitude emotion sickness is a thing, so maybe have some tissues on hand to put an end to my tears.
I enjoy life to the fullest and have a penchant for the finer things in life such as a good glass of Aldi wine, a new set of Penney’s pyjamas and a Betty Crocker cake mix.
In terms of space travel, I have watched Armageddon, Interstellar and Space Jam and have gained an encyclopedic knowledge of space travel from watching these blockbusters.
You ask in the application form if I have any special skills. Well, if you can call overthinking a special skill than I have won this space race. However, I can sing and if you would like to hear a rendition of Shanagolden at 3 o’clock in the morning while we are 384,000 km away from earth than I am happy to provide this entertainment.
My hobbies include yearning for my teenage years, watching Tik Tok and Dáithi O’ Sé.
I feel you are a go-getter Yusaku and from your clear success in life and business, you will succeed in this endeavour too. All there is left to say is that I am the woman for you.
It was one small step for Neil Armstrong but it’s one giant leap for us Yusaku.
We can do it.
Would you apply?
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