I spent the last month binging rom-coms on Netflix and Amazon Prime: Here are my 15 favourites
I spent the last month binging rom-coms on Netflix and Amazon Prime: Here are my...

Lauren Heskin

‘Last century’s witch is this century’s SL*T’ – Why unruly women will always be damned
‘Last century’s witch is this century’s SL*T’ – Why unruly women will always be damned

Geraldine Carton

That Robin Williams test footage broke our hearts, and his daughter’s too
That Robin Williams test footage broke our hearts, and his daughter’s too

Sarah Finnan

California Cool: This Irish-built contemporary home is a music lover’s dream
California Cool: This Irish-built contemporary home is a music lover’s dream

IMAGE

We need to just stop commenting on other people’s bodies
We need to just stop commenting on other people’s bodies

Megan Burns

18 of Dublin’s best cheap eats
18 of Dublin’s best cheap eats

Ali Dunworth

Myleene Klass: The trauma of miscarriage ‘never goes away’
Myleene Klass: The trauma of miscarriage ‘never goes away’

Sarah Finnan

We all woke up this morning and played Adele’s new song, right? Here’s what we know about the upcoming album
We all woke up this morning and played Adele’s new song, right? Here’s what we...

Megan Burns

Are you a new startup or an SME looking to scale up? These 3 industry leaders could make all the difference to your bottom line
Are you a new startup or an SME looking to scale up? These 3 industry...

Shayna Sappington

The Writing Shed: Author Catherine Talbot on her creative space, writing routine and everything in between.
The Writing Shed: Author Catherine Talbot on her creative space, writing routine and everything in...

Sophie Grenham

Image / Editorial

‘I was living my life for him’: Mandy Moore on marriage to Ryan Adams


by Jennifer McShane
20th Feb 2019
blank

Seven years is a very long time to be in a marriage – one that is not a partnership but based solely around the other person’s needs. But this is what singer and This is Us star, Mandy Moore has opened up about.

Moore appeared on WTF With Marc Maron podcast, where she discussed her seven-year marriage with singer-songwriter Ryan Adams, whom she and several women have accused of emotional abuse and sexual misconduct in a New York Times exposé.

Adams has denied the allegations.

Related: Mandy Moore speaks out about ex-husband Ryan Adams’ alleged abusive behaviour

During Moore’s mid to late twenties, she should have been at an exciting peak in her blossoming career. However, she released no music during the entire course of her relationship. This was, she says, due to strain which was placed upon her in the marriage.

“I was living my life for him,” the actress, who met Adams when she 23, said. She alleged her career was hindered further when he became dependent on her, saying the relationship “had an entirely unhealthy dynamic.”

She worked a little but explained that she felt the marriage could not “sustain itself” if she worked full-time, adding: “I would do little jobs – it’s not like I completely stopped working. But it would become abundantly clear while I was working, things would completely fall apart at home.”

“I couldn’t do my job because there was a constant stream of trying to pay attention to this person who needed me and wouldn’t let me do anything else.”

“Oh, I had no sense of self. I was imperceptible, I was so small in my own world.”

She described her feelings during their marriage as “drowning” and added that “it was so untenable and unsustainable and it was so lonely. I was so sad. I was lonely with him,” which eventually led to the relationship’s demise and her filing for divorce in 2015.

Physiological and emotional abuse can start so subtly, it’s easy to think that it isn’t happening at all. It can start with a few unkind words, lead to gaslighting or, as Moore said was predominant in her own case, to a belittling of confidence that leaves you unable to express yourself, so that you find your voice isn’t there as it once was.

Related: Emilie Pine: In a post-#MeToo world speaking up still isn’t always easy

Moore added that during their relationship Adams also offered help with professional advancement but ended up destroying her confidence in her music with verbal harassment.

Adams told Moore she wasn’t a “real musician” because she didn’t play an instrument.

“His controlling behaviour essentially did block my ability to make new connections in the industry during a very pivotal and potentially lucrative time — my entire mid-to-late 20s,” Moore added.

“Music was a point of control for him.”

It isn’t easy to get that voice back, even post-#MeToo. Look at the women still suffering the after-effects of Harvey Weinstein? Women in their prime, women whose stories deserved to be told on screen, women who were shut out of their careers, assaulted, with their voices constricted in silence.

“Speaking your truth is painful and triggering but it’s worth it,” Moore wrote on Instagram.

Seven years, seven days, or seven months.

It’s never too late to find your voice.

Also Read

brain
EDITORIAL
8 easy ways to keep your brain healthy that you can do right now

Your brain health is just as important as that of the rest of your body, says psychologist and neuroscientist Dr...

By IMAGE

houseplants
EDITORIAL
5 houseplants we guarantee you can keep alive

For those who buy houseplants with the best of intentions and end up killing them, here’s a selection you’ll be...

By Hannah Hillyer

toxic
EDITORIAL
How to let go of toxic people, and the signs to recognise

By Niamh Ennis

blank
EDITORIAL
This is what happens when you hypersexualise young girls growing up

Who is demanding the fetishization of young girls anyway?”When I was working in my early twenties, and even my late...

By Amanda Cassidy

blank
AGENDA, EDITORIAL
No, the Olympics haven’t given athletes ‘anti-sex’ cardboard beds

Despite some media coverage, the beds are actually focused on sustainability as opposed to intimacy restrictions. Recently, distance runner Paul...

By Jennifer McShane

blank
EDITORIAL
Trinity Tales: ‘Front Square was her garden, and the city was her playground’

Annie Gatling, now Colleran, knew Trinity College was for her when she saw Front Gate from the top storey of...

By Amanda Cassidy

blank
EDITORIAL
Attending multiple weddings this year? How to save money as a guest

These days, going to a wedding is the equivalent of going on a short holiday in terms of cost. From...

By Jennifer McShane