‘I’m platonically married to my best friend’: TikToker on marrying and raising kids with her bestie
Jay Guercio and her best friend Krystle went from being besties to spouses, but what most people are surprised to learn about the couple is that theirs is a completely platonic marriage.
Would you marry your best friend – regardless of if you like them romantically or not? One platonic couple asks if we’re over valuing our romantic relationships, suggesting that perhaps the best person to raise a family with is, in fact, your bestie.
Explaining how she and her partner went viral for never having a “physical or romantic component” to their union, Jay Guercio – or The Lovely Jay Bird as she goes by on TikTok – posted a video filling followers in on her completely platonic marriage with best friend Krystle.
“Platonic marriage seems like such a weird concept to people but it was never even a thought in our minds, it was just like ‘Oh, I love you, you love me. We’re not romantic, we’re not physical but we’d be really great co-parents. We’d want to build a very similar life together. Let’s do this.’”
Detailing how they created a situation that mutually benefitted them both, Jay said that their partnership still allows her to have her own dating life and prioritise herself.
“We talked about how our relationship dynamic would work and we created a situation that benefitted the both of us. I’m able to have my own dating life and prioritise myself and take care of my goals and aspirations and she’s able to do the same. We’re able to pick up each other’s slack. We still get to be best friends and enjoy life together and you know, laugh and be silly and help each other out. It’s a wonderful dynamic and I hope more people are doing this.”
Joking that she wants to officiate other people’s platonic marriage ceremonies because “that would be really fun and cool”, Jay pretty much confirmed what we already know – that “life is just interesting and better when you get to spend every day with your best friend”.
Grabbing the US media’s attention with their relationship earlier this year, the New York Times ran a story on them detailing everything from what they wore on their wedding day (Jay a sparkly silver dress and flower-embroidered veil, Krystle a similar ivory version) to whether they share a bed or not (spoiler alert: they do but for economic purposes only), Jay told the Times that they wanted to get married so they could be legally/socially recognised as a family.
“We wanted the world to know we are each other’s go-to person in the world, and to be able to handle legal matters with the other appropriately,” Ms. Guercio said. “We are a couple, a unit and partners for life.”
“My best friend and I, of eight years, got married, had a commitment ceremony, whatever you wanted to call it, but we did this because we wanted to raise kids together. We wanted to live our lives by each other’s side. I couldn’t imagine living the life I live without her by my side.
Sharing all of the same things that other married couples do, the only difference is that they don’t have any of the “romantic or physical stuff” – though they’re both free to seek that out from whomever they please.
“I trust her, I appreciate her, we work together, we are partners, we make decisions together, we act as a married couple does, but we don’t have the romantic or physical stuff.
“The love that we have, the trust, the laughter, the fun, the shenanigans, it’s everything that I could ever ask for. I’m happy and proud of our marriage,” Jay continued.
Jay and Krystle may be the first platonic couple many of us have heard about, but they’re definitely not in the minority according to marriage and family therapist Nick Bognar, who also spoke to the Times, saying that he thinks “this probably happens a lot”.
“It should be acknowledged that we’ve really normalised heterosexual monogamous romantic relationships to the point of stigmatising other kinds of relationships,” he said. “All of this is to say, I think this probably happens a lot, but people don’t talk about it much because their relationships are invalidated by others when they’re seen as not being part of the norm.”
While marriage was once historically considered to be an economic proposition, that slowly became of secondary concern somewhere along the way. However, just as people’s priorities shifted in the past, the rise of platonic marriages suggests that the same may be happening once again. Convinced that platonic marriages are the future, Jay said she believes that she and Krystle will last because they work well together and she feels completely fulfilled by the relationship.