Sea swimming essentials every first-timer should have on their list
Sea swimming essentials every first-timer should have on their list

Sarah Finnan

Calling all biscuit lovers! We’re giving away a hamper of Maltesers biscuits
Calling all biscuit lovers! We’re giving away a hamper of Maltesers biscuits

Lauren Heskin

Would you tell a friend if they’d gone overboard with Botox or fillers?
Would you tell a friend if they’d gone overboard with Botox or fillers?

Amanda Cassidy

What to make this weekend: A grown-up ice-cream sundae
What to make this weekend: A grown-up ice-cream sundae

Meg Walker

How to stop procrastinating what you know you have to face
How to stop procrastinating what you know you have to face

Niamh Ennis

Step off the hamster wheel of dieting: an in-depth guide to intuitive eating
Step off the hamster wheel of dieting: an in-depth guide to intuitive eating

Melanie Morris

Ouai x Byredo is back with more scented haircare
Ouai x Byredo is back with more scented haircare

Holly O'Neill

This recently renovated Ranelagh home is on the market for €1.25 million
This recently renovated Ranelagh home is on the market for €1.25 million

Megan Burns

Considering getting hitched at home? Two couples on their at-home weddings
Considering getting hitched at home? Two couples on their at-home weddings

Lizzie Gore-Grimes

With soon-to-be-three salons, a beauty brand and a little one at home, Kate Verling of Mink Hand and Foot Spa on mastering multitasking
With soon-to-be-three salons, a beauty brand and a little one at home, Kate Verling of...

Lauren Heskin

Image / Editorial

Why We Really Need Tinder For Mums


by Sophie White
02nd Sep 2017
blank

I was the first of my friends to have a baby and while the fact that I didn’t have any friends with babies wasn’t my biggest problem (the fact that I had literally no idea what to be doing with an infant definitely ranked higher in the priorities) I still wasn’t prepared for the crushing loneliness of those early weeks and months. Okay, YEAR if I’m completely honest.


Out and about on crisp January mornings with a new baby, random people (everyone from the pharmacist to the old lady at the pedestrian crossing) would stop me to say ?isn’t it heaven??, which I found completely baffling. Unless your idea of heaven is crying out a reservoir of hormonal, frightened tears and googling ?colic? every hour then no, seriously, the newborn days are not heaven.

I stayed in the hospital for five days after the birth of my first son, I spent every second of that hospital stay in a state of barely contained terror at the thought that a) I would have to take this tiny, dark-eyed stranger home with me at some stage and that b) life as I knew it was over forever. I paced the halls of the hospital through the nights with the squalling baby clutched in my arms. Other mothers passed with swaddled bundles slung casually up on their shoulders and I felt like I was a different species to them. ?They seem fine, they’re not freaking out. What’s wrong with you?? the thoughts hissed until morning dawned and I would smile and pretend all was well to anyone who happened to ask.

I didn’t know how to ask the other women in the beds beside me if they too were truly, deeply, madly scared? Were they literally sick with this fear? Did they not want to run, I mean really run from all this? They were shuffling around in dressing gowns and slippers, changing nappies and kissing tiny toes. I drew the curtain around my island and curled up facing away from the baby. I have never felt more hopeless and I’ve never hated myself more.

The early weeks crawled past and every day I tried not to cry. I tried to hold the baby and feel the love, but all I felt was a terror that roared inside at all times.

What I needed was a mum-friend. I needed someone to nod when I said: ?this is mildly hellish, right?? I needed someone else with a similar appetite for examining the minutia of newborn sleep cycles. I needed someone who knew that just because I wasn’t feeling it, I would eventually and reassure me of this. I needed someone to whine with me and wine with me. So in a bid for personal survival, I became extremely calculated and dogged in my pursuit of other mothers. It was verging on predatory but I had to lock in some friends for the sake of my mental health.

And so I took action.

Here’re are the five (sometimes questionable) ways that I made random women be my friend in the aftermath of my first child:

I bribed two of the other mothers in my hospital room to give me their numbers. Seriously. The day I was being discharged I cornered each of them separately and gave them a box of chocolates, demanding their mobiles in return.

I followed other mothers. I’d spy one of these women out enjoying a walk with their baby when I, wild-eyed and sleep deprived, would accost them and after barely a hello grip their forearm and ask if their one ever slept because my one seemed to have unbelievable stamina for screaming between the hours of 2 and 6am. I imagine it was most unnerving for the other mother.

I asked mothers out on mum-dates. One of my other friends acted as my wing woman while I scoped out potential mum-friends in my local caf?. She practically did the ‘do you fancy my friend?? thing, an introduction unused since our teenage years.

I joined a bookclub. To date this is one of the best things I’ve ever done. If you’re not in a bookclub, join one as soon as possible.

I even stole a mum-friend from a cousin of mine, reasoning that I needed her more than my cousin did.

This is why we seriously need Tinder for mums, we could call it Mumder?(ignoring the fact that looks a tiny bit like ‘Murder’) and, believe me, it would make the transition from pre-baby to post-baby a whole lot smoother and more fun.

Also Read

blank
EDITORIAL
This is what happens when you hypersexualise young girls growing up

Who is demanding the fetishization of young girls anyway?”When I was working in my early twenties, and even my late...

By Amanda Cassidy

BRITs
EDITORIAL
Best BRITs – The standout moments everyone is talking about from last night’s BRIT Awards

The BRIT Awards took place over in London last night, welcoming the who’s who of the music world inside the...

By Sarah Finnan

Has society become more tolerant of the idea of dating interracially?
premium IMAGE WRITES, REAL-LIFE STORIES, RELATIONSHIPS
Interracial dating: “People kept asking ‘where is she from?'”

With diversity on the rise, what struggles do interracial couples continue to face today? Filomena Kaguako speaks to three couples about their experiences.

By Filomena Kaguako

Nóra Quoirin
AGENDA, EDITORIAL
Inquest ruling changed to open verdict in Nóra Quoirin’s death

A Malaysian judge has overturned an inquest verdict of misadventure in the death of 15-year-old Nóra Quoirin, changing it to...

By Jennifer McShane

audiobooks
EDITORIAL
6 brilliant audiobooks worth listening to during lockdown

Six great audiobooks to listen to in lockdown. It took me ages to come around to the idea of audiobooks....

By Jennifer McShane

rings
EDITORIAL
Rings that help you draw attention to your newly manicured nails

Rings to help you flaunt your fresh mani? Non-negotiables. Nail salons reopened their doors to the public earlier this week...

By Sarah Finnan

blank
EDITORIAL
‘Quite interesting’: Princess Anne comments on The Crown

We’ve all heard that the royal family don’t exactly gather round to watch The Crown, but one member has shared...

By Jennifer McShane