Diamond Geezeress

When you’re the type of bird for whom a ring with a massive diamond on it simply doesn’t make you go weak at the knees? well, people generally think you’re a bit weird. ?What’s not to like?, they say ?? it’s sparkley and costs lots of money!? Nope, not to me. To me, a diamond is just a big piece of glass that happens to have been formed in the earth, in an attractive shape. So, simply plonking one on a piece of metal (gold, platinum? whatevz) doesn’t impress me.

Where’s the personal style? Where’s the artistic merit? A huge diamond ring doesn’t actually say anything about its wearer, other than ?I quietly pressured my fianc?e into saving for a long time to buy this for me?? or ‘my fianc?e earns more money than yours and here’s the proof.? Now, I’m not saying I’m opposed to sparkly stones; I just demand a bit more from how they’re presented. And I don’t buy the ?but you’ll be wearing it your whole life; best not commit to anything you might get sick off? argument, either. I’ll tell you what I’d get sick of, pretty darned quickly; mediocrity and genericism.

But, if you are a difficult-to-dazzle weirdo, like me, what the heck kind of engagement ring to you quietly pressurize your fianc?e into saving up for? Well the possibilities are endless, ladies?

The sentimentalists among us will love the cutely romantic overtones of this Anita Koh rose gold arrow ring? the simplicity of Jessica Poole’s forget-me-knots? or the crazy Versailles fairytale of Boodles? love birds

Hey badass, why not signal your commitment by telling all other possible suitors to f*$% off, like they do at Solange Azagury-Partridge? or embrace your inner (perhaps even outer) goth, like a Stephen Webster bat out of hell? be straight up about the fact that your beloved is now in your clutches, or, as Tessa Metcalfe would put it, pigeon claws

Switzwoo Flash Harriett, nothing understated about you. If you’re chavvy and you know it, go Gucci baby? nothing chavvy about Chanel, but even the queen of pared-back likes to bling it up, when it comes to starry sapphires? or you could just go ahead and supersize it in Stephen Webster.

The decoratif lives in a fanciful world of historical art? surely this gold Hortensia Annoushka cocktail number has magical powers? channeling ancient mosaicking could be a good way to go, too; loving this mother-of-pearl Ippolita beauty? but dear lord, the pink Cartier opals; yes, I’ll have one of these please.

Follow Kate O’Dowd on Twitter @kateodowd

For more offbeat bridal inspiration, pick up BASH Volume Five, on shelves now