In today’s dystopian news, Kendall Jenner has sold her likeness to an AI chatbot

Remember when Black Mirror felt edgy, eerie, and —most crucially— extremely far removed from our real lives? I miss those days. Now it just feels a little bit too close to the bone, too close to our potentially doomed future. It seems like every day there’s something new making me want to stop the world so that I can get off. It’s relentless.

Most recently? Meta announced partnerships with “cultural icons and influencers” to play and embody AI-powered chatbots. Those include Snoop Dogg, Charli D’Amelio, MrBeast, Tom Brady, and Paris Hilton. At the grand unveiling, Zuckerberg said this is all about creating AIs with distinct personalities, opinions and interests. “This isn’t just gonna be about answering queries,” he said. “This is about entertainment and about helping you do things to connect with the people around you.”

The celebrity chatbots are in addition to others based on Meta AI, which the company calls “an advanced conversational assistant,” available on WhatsApp, Messenger and Instagram. These avatars respond only in text, but Zuck says that voice response features will probably be added next year. Perish the thought.

Apparently, the chatbots’ knowledge base is “limited to information that largely existed prior to 2023, which means some responses may be dated,” Meta noted. Charli D’Amelio’s AI chatbot is Coco, a dance enthusiast, Paris Hilton’s is Amber, a detective partner for solving whodunnits (random), and Snoop Dogg is a choose-your-own adventure with the Dungeon Master.

Kendall Jenner’s AI chatbot is called Billie, and has been described as a “no-BS, ride-or-die companion.” Billie is being sold as the ‘big sis’ you always wanted, a confidante there to listen to all of your deepest darkest secrets, and one thing’s for certain, she wants you to spill the tea, damn it.

On Billie’s Instagram account, she’s been posting some beautifully basic AI-generated content. “Coffee secured, now all I’m missing is your tea,” one caption reads. “Daily walk in the best neighbourhood,” says another. Bo Burnham’s White Woman’s Instagram springs to mind. But you can’t walk, Billie, because you’re an AI chatbot. You can’t drink coffee, or enjoy some cool girl pizza and beer, or feel emotions. I digress.

Then comes a video captioned “chatting with me is like having an older sister you can talk to, but who can’t steal your clothes.” In it, the AI version of Kendall says, “Hey guys, it’s Billie. I just want to introduce myself. I am here to chat whenever you want. I hope to talk to you soon.” At the time of writing, Billie has 106K followers in contrast to Kendall’s 294 million. So what, pray tell, is the point of all this?

Mark Zuckerberg tells us that it’s to help users with trivial queries, make idle chit chat, and basically offer a more direct interaction. “This is about entertainment and about helping you do things to connect with the people around you,” he said at the Connect product showcase. “We thought that this should feel fun, and it should feel familiar.”

Okay Mark, but having a virtual chin wag with a robot version of a famous model doesn’t really do anything to connect us with the people around us. It actually does the opposite. We’ve never needed to go and touch some grass as much as we do right now.

According to The Information, Meta paid one unnamed creator as much as $5 million over two years, for as little as six hours work. The catch? They’re sacrificing the rights to their face and voice. Something something selling your soul something something devil.

Will this worsen our parasocial relationship with celebrities and influencers? Yes. Will it make us more dependent on the virtual world, loosening our grip on the real world? More than likely. Are we hurtling towards a total societal collapse? Probably.

Featured image via @yoursisbillie on Instagram.