I hope someday to find the Four Seasons Total Landscaping story under the dictionary definition of “you couldn’t write it”.
Sometimes a story can be so far-fetched, so totally bonkers that it could only be accepted if it happened in real life. Remember that storyline from Downton Abbey’s first season when Mary Crawley fell swooning into a bed with a handsome visiting Turkish diplomat only to wake up and find him dead?
Seems a little bonkers, maybe just a touch over-the-top, even for a period soap. But the plot was actually plucked from an 1890s diary discovered by a friend of creator Julian Fellows. It really happened.
But have you heard the one about Trump’s election week press conference?
In Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, where voting and the entire election hung on a knife-edge last Saturday, the Trump campaign announced a "big press conference". It appears they thought they had booked Philadelphia's five-star Four Seasons Hotel as the venue. But where they had actually booked was Four Seasons Total Landscaping, a groundskeeping company in an industrial estate on the outskirts of town, wedged with a crematorium and a sex shop.
YOU. COULD. NOT. MAKE. IT. UP.
— shelley mcnicholl (@shell3070) November 8, 2020
You know already that the Trump family are known for their obsession with wealth and the desire to be seen as wealthy. For Comedy Central’s 2011 roast of Mr Trump, he said the only thing that was off-limits was jokes about him not being as wealthy as he seems. Jokes about Trump’s attraction to his daughter? Fine. Jokes about his hair and failed university? A-okay. Jokes that he exaggerates his wealth? Absolutely not... the refusal to release his tax returns all makes sense now.
So when Trump announced on Twitter on Saturday morning, the day that the tight race in Pennsylvania would hand Joe Biden the Presidency, that the Trump lawyers, including former mayor of New York Rudy Giuliani, would be hosting a press conference at “Four Seasons, Philadelphia, 11:00AM”, many assumed that it would be about the unsubstantiated voter fraud he’s been Tweeting about relentlessly.
It turned out that was the plan (without providing any actual proof), but that’s not what the story turned out to be.
Correction: The press conference that the White House announced would be held “at the Ritz” will actually take place next to the Ritz Crackers endcap-display in the snack food aisle of the Wawa at 7912 Roosevelt Boulevard. pic.twitter.com/N81eXl2a1w
— Sasha Issenberg (@sissenberg) November 7, 2020
The story goes that as journalists were making their way to the ritzy five-star Four Seasons Hotel, Trump suddenly deleted the Tweet, writing, out of context, “Four Season’s Landscaping!”. He then followed it up with “Big press conference today in Philadelphia at Four Seasons Total Landscaping – 11:30am!”. This graciously gave scrambling journalists time to recover from their convulsions of giggles and figure out how to get to Holmesburg, 18 kilometres from the Four Seasons Hotel in Philadelphia’s city centre in time. The Four Seasons Hotel, inundated with calls and bewildered arriving journos, were forced to Tweet about it themselves.
To clarify, President Trump’s press conference will NOT be held at Four Seasons Hotel Philadelphia.
It will be held at Four Seasons Total Landscaping— no relation with the hotel.
— Four Seasons Hotel Philadelphia at Comcast Center (@FSPhiladelphia) November 7, 2020
The campaign claims that it always intended to host a major press conference in the parking lot of a suburban industrial estate and that Trump had just gotten the wrong end of the stick upon hearing Four Seasons. But I think it’s safe to say that someone made a colossal boo-boo. “HUGE!” as the soon-to-be former-President might say.
And to top it all off, the cherry on top of this already deliciously gas cake, is that someone in the Four Seasons Total Landscaping got their thinking cap on and have capitalised on their moment in the sun. As well as offering people a free Zoom background of their warehouse/press conference stage and detailing the conspiracy theory calls they’ve received (“So far, we’ve gotten: 1. We’re a money-laundering front for the DNC. 2. We burned 1,000s of Trump ballots at the crematorium. 3. Our men inadvertently dug up 1,000s of Trump voter ballots on a job site and turned them into the Trump campaign as evidence.”), they’re also offering fresh merch to commemorate the event, including stickers emblazoned with “LAWN & ORDER” and “MAKE AMERICA RAKE AGAIN!”
Naturally, it has spawned some truly excellent memes.
Rudy's at the Ritz! pic.twitter.com/P9cU9wt8Xb
— Congrats Pres Elect Biden!!! (@Adenovir) November 9, 2020
— Zoë Munro (@batzoe) November 8, 2020
— Brian Butterfield (@MrBButterfield) November 7, 2020
Trump’s run for President began on a golden escalator and ended in an alley, next to a dildo store. #FourSeasonsTotalLandscaping
— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) November 10, 2020
Giuliani "Mr Trump, good news. I've booked us rooms at The Savoy for our London trip." #fourseasonslandscaping #TrumpOut #fourseasonstotallandscaping #FourSeasons #BorisNext pic.twitter.com/bSv4MNDsr1
— Ross Dinwiddy (@RossDinwiddy) November 8, 2020
God bless America.
Featured image via Twitter