Today is Black Friday - the worst of Christmas, like The Purge of Christmas. Is Christmas now about the worship of Christ or the worship of products? In the Christmas of today, Black Friday is a pilgrimage of capitalism in a festival of consumerism, removing the Christ from Christmas altogether.
Do we have Black Friday Mania here? I don't know that we do. You've seen the videos from the States obviously, like something narrated by David Attenborough - beasts savaging at a carcass, humans ravaging each other, a battle to the death where at the end, the winner gets 20% off a flat screen 4K TV.
At what cost do we get these bargains? What if the cost of that bargain is your very soul, human kindness and freedom? We know that for the price we pay for glittering, HD trinkets of consumerism, real people in the world are suffering.
In the run up to Christmas I suppose what you should be thinking about is food and squeezing your loved ones to death, wearing your new pyjamas for all of St. Stephen's Day, and giving and love and blah but here we are. I mean, I don't know you (well I might - hi Mom) but I have things that I have had my eye on and I'm probably going to log onto River Island myself to pick up a slight discount on these slip-on loafers I've been planning outfits around in my head for weeks - the most affordable solution I've found to compare to these Gucci ones below - no, I don't care that you hate them. Really though it's November, am I ridiculous if I wear ankle-less loafers??Yes I am but think of the outfits.
We are probably better off avoiding queues and pushing and shoving and just shopping from our laptops at home. However, if you do decide to go to the shops, leave the people who work in retail alone. They just don't care and they hate you too. Listen to them patiently when they tell you that if you buy two items you get the third item free because it is their job to tell you that. Do you think it was their dream to tell you that? Do not pull your size from the bottom of the pile, just ask them for a size god dammit, don't you know they have folded those jumpers three hundred times already today? If you rudely ask for a size, of course they are going to say they will check in the back but really they are just going into the stock room to have a chat or sit down for five minutes or put the kettle on and then come back and say, 'sorry we don't have your size.? Wouldn't you? If you are rude to retail staff or customer service staff or bar staff or restaurant staff, you are everything wrong with the world. Just be nice - as a general life rule.
Anywho, here's the best deals you can find for today. Be nice to people, exercise tolerance and compassion in your life, have a lovely Christmas and remember when you are in a sales frenzy that discounted ugly shoes are still ugly shoes. Not my loafers though, obviously.
Up to 20% off in store and online
Up to 50% off instore and online
15% off fragrances
From Thursday with new deals every day
HOUSE OF FRASER
Up to 50% off
On now - Monday
Up to 50% off online and instore
30% off everything
PRETTY LITTLE THING
Up to 50% off everything
Ends 11pm Thursday
30% off selected dresses
Available from now
Up to 50% off and free delivery
30% off everything
20% off instore and online
20% off almost everything
& OTHER STORIES
Up to 50% off
20% off everything
Thursday - Tuesday