14 Hilarious Alternative Valentine Cards For the 14th

It's almost time for Consumer-Driven And Cliche-Interpretation-Of-Love Day!

Valentine's Day and love go together like a night out on New Year's Eve and fun, but I'm on board for any day that you get to eat chocolate. I'm here for Christmas advent calendars all year round, and I don't need a consumerism festival as an excuse to buy a box of Lindor, because I buy them for myself on the regular.

However, like Christmas, Valentine's Day is just another spot in the calendar where the sentiment behind the celebration has been bastardized for commercial gain. Yet you must take part in the festival of consumerism, so here are some alternative valentine cards to buy your significant other in an anti-establishment way, or if you are a hilarious person.

My Favourite Duvet Stealer Card €3.00

Maybe this card will make them take the hint and SHARE.


We Both Hate the Same Stuff Card €3.50

That's how you know it's real love.

My Heart Belongs To...Card €3.21 

If we're being realistic, you don't have my whole heart.


I Bet You Thought This Was a Valentine's Card €4.67

For those in denial.

I Still Like You When I'm Not Drunk Card, €3.50

In a world of app-centric dating, does it get more romantic than a card that says I Still Like You When I'm Not Drunk?

Roses Are Red Card, £1.95


For the romantics.

Tinder Card, €4.18

For the millenials.

You Bring Darkness And Financial Burden To My Life, €3.21


For the long termers.

These Taste Terrible Card €3.76

They'll like you more for getting this card than they would the actual sweethearts.

Thanks For Tolerating My TV Shows, €3.76


"Yeah, yeah, I know you hate Girls."

It's Complicated Card, €3.33

For the sapiosexuals.

You're My Favourite Husband, €3.76


As opposed to all my other husbands.

Have Fun Watching Netflix With Your Cat, €4.81

Can't forget about the single pringles!

Happy Galentine's Day Card €2.92

As if you and the gals needed one more excuse to bust out the Beyoncé dance moves...

Enjoy the half price chocolate everyone!

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