Remember The New Year Resolutions You Didn’t Keep?

Bridget Jones

Did you look at the calendar on your phone this morning and die a little bit inside when you saw it was July 1st? We are now officially past the mid-point of the year, and while this means we’re closer to the cosy sap-fest that is Christmas, it also means time is flying, and 2015 is halfway done. Which means Reflection Time on how much we have achieved during the Year of the Sheep so far. Or rather, which New Year’s Resolutions we didn’t solemnly keep.

So, let’s all have a collective flinch and raise some cocktail glasses – by cocktail we mean any kind of alcohol plus ice – if you didn’t do the following so far this year:

  • Run a 10K fun run in aid of charity. (Can we just sponsor someone else come payday?)
  • Buy a spiralizer. (Blame the Hemsley sisters and their glowing heads for this bank statement entry.)
  • Use the spiralizer you spent a small fortune on. (You say the courgette is a versatile vegetable, we say bring back the potato, that darling boils in no time.)
  • Open the cookbooks you binge bought on Amazon after you binge ate the entire chipper on New Year’s Eve. (This 5-week journey to sugar-free is taking a little bit longer than anticipated.)
  • Take up yoga and pilates. (Does stretching every morning in bed count?)
  • Learn French. (To be honest, we’re more interested in learning Dutch because of The Age of Adaline and Game of Thrones actor Michiel Huisman.)

It’s time for #TheDancewithDragons… Are you ready?! #GoTSeason5 @gameofthrones A photo posted by Michiel Huisman (@michielhuisman) on

  • Give up your daily chai latte habit. (Some people take happy pills, we need overpriced heated milk to not go crazy on a regular basis.)
  • Ask more questions regarding your pension plane beyond “Am I f***ed?” (If we read the entire newspaper every day we’d have a necessary botox habit.)
  • Go to the gym three times a week. (Replace ‘go’ with ‘watch’ and ‘gym’ with ‘The Good Wife’.)
  • Make your own granola. (If we made our own cereal then how can we support the hardworking farmers who are trying to sell their tasty granola, explain that one economists?)
  • Keep a journal. (Somedays are just too grim to chronicle, especially if they involve commuting and manspreading.)
  • Work on your personal brand across social media. (Actually, it might be a good idea to go back through your Facebook and delete some old photos. Especially if they involve dressing as a Playboy bunny when you were 19 because potential political career reasons.)
  • Making a sartorial effort in work and dressing for the job you want. (If I dress like a 12-year-old girl from 2003 will everyone leave me alone and let me read Harry Potter instead of doing any work?)
  • Stop comparing your real life to other people’s online lives. (“You only woke up like that because of the Valencia filter” = us talking to our phones every Sunday morning.)

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