Fancying Someone Else Is Actually Good For Your Relationship

500 days of summer

To all the women out there who’ve been beating themselves over the head with the nearest non-stick frying pan due to the guilt associated with having a crush on someone outside of their relationship, stop right there. You’re not the first person to feel this way and you certainly won’t be the last. In fact, new research suggests that having temporary feelings for someone who isn’t your partner can actually enhance your relationship, provided you don’t act on your fleeting thoughts. What’s more, you’re in good company, as 70% of those surveyed admitted to having developed crushes from time to time. So by all means, crush away, but the difference lies within the thinking and the doing.

And here we hung our heads in shame for fear that fancying the only attractive man in the office meant we must a) be terrible human beings and b) our relationships are obviously in trouble. You’re not, and your relationship is fine. (Unless it really isn’t, in which case you need to stop what you’re doing and listen to some Beyonce stat.)

As per The Independent who originally reported on the study (published in the journal Sex & Marital Therapy), the lead researchers explained that having a crush on someone else wasn’t a total disaster in most cases. The women surveyed “had varied experiences with, and diverse strategies for, managing crushes…

The majority of women reported the crush did not impact their relationship, participants also reported that these crushes improved their desire for their partner.

As crushes can develop almost instantly, beginning with our eyes and how we perceive others, The Independent reassure us that crushes are fundamentally unavoidable. In fact if you’ve been in a longterm relationship for years and you haven’t been tempted by the fruit of another, you’re very much in the minority.

The researchers also found that most of the 160 women surveyed kept their wandering eye to themselves, neglecting to tell their partner, which we highly advise against, unless of course you enjoy unnecessary drama. What’s more, most crushes occurred in the workplace.

In short, it’s okay to fancy somebody who isn’t your husband/boyfriend/partner. It’s most often a simple case of ‘the grass is always greener’, but you already know that and you’re not about to throw away something perfectly healthy for a flurry of feelings that will pass you by.

*Puts frying pan back in press.

The Independent

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