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The Terrible Tragedy Of Modern Songs About Mothers

Mother

Ahead of Mother’s Day tomorrow, we’ve been looking for some modern songs about mothers. They’re hard to find. While it’s not fair to categorize them all as crap and vaguely offensive, (lest we forget Kanye’s Hey Mama or Drake’s Look What You’ve Done and the less modern, Spice Girls Mama) you’ll see that we are lacking some odes to our ma’s.

Here’s some of the worst modern songs where mothers feature.

MILF By Fergie

The Idea: Based on lyrics alone, the meaning behind this song is difficult to specify, but, as it crops up repeatedly, the central apriorism is that you have got that that milk money, and Fergie has got that MILF money. Take from that what you will.

The Video: Sadly, the video does not help to ascertain what exactly Fergie’s lyrics might mean. While you may be correcting is determining that there is a definite message here about being a financially independent mother, that gets confused when Kim Kardashian, Chrissy Teigen and Alessandra Ambrosio start pouring milk over themselves. Objectification or an attempt to encourage milk sales in a vegan, dairy-free fitfam world? You decide!

The Worst Lyric: This is a tough one, but I’ll have to go with “Now lemme see you milfshake (lemme see you milfshake) I got that MILF money [x3]”.

The Final Verdict: Tragic, but unfortunately very catchy.

I Got It From My Mama By will.i.am

The Idea: In this song, will.i.am questions a girl as to where she acquired her physique (“baby where’d you get your body from?”) and she gives him a rather basic explanation of Gregor Mendel’s theory of genetics (“I got it from my mama”).

The Video: Exactly what you might imagine based on the artist and song title.

The Worst Lyric: “And if the mama real ugly, I guarantee she gon’ be ugly like her mama” is awful, but “so be a good girl and thank yo mama, she made ya steamin’ like a sauna” causes physical pain.

The Final Verdict: No.

Ain’t Your Mama by Jennifer Lopez

The Idea: While J.Lo may certainly sound like my mama, you are being sold an idea of empowerment here that is, in truth, a song about a relationship that’s lost it’s flame.

The Video: She’s a ’50s housewife, then she’s a 60’s secretary, she’s a businesswoman in shoulder-pads, she’s working in male-dominated offices, and lastly, with product placement of a friendship app, she organises a women’s march/flash mob. It’s a sort of montage through the years of female stereotypes that doesn’t offer anything new. J.Lo, this ain’t my feminism, but I am very glad of your continued existence in music and the world and of your beautiful face.

The Worst Lyric: “I ain’t gon’ be cooking all day, I ain’t your mama. I ain’t gon’ do your laundry, I ain’t your mama.” 

The Final Verdict: J.Lo vs. The Patriarchy (minus the old school feminism) = choon.

Mama Said by Lukas Graham

The Idea: I don’t know what the world has done to deserve to be routinely bothered in the charts by the misery of Lukas Graham – first with 7 years, an indulgent and frightening lament to the passage of time, and then Mama Said – an ode to his ungrateful childhood.

The Video: Sad and grey.

The Worst Lyric: “Mama said that is was okay. Mama said that is was quite alright. Our kind of people had a bed for the night.” What?

The Final Verdict: Lukas Graham you bastardized Annie with that painful adaptation and if I did that, my mother would be ashamed.

Have we missed any? Let us know in the comments below!

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